Allegiance | Kylo Ren

LXXXVI

                  

Ben paced the bedroom that night, tugging at the roots of his black hair.  "I don't like this.  I should be the one going, not you."

I watched him calmly.  "You know I can do this."

"I do, absolutely.  But that's not what bothers me."  He paused for a moment to look at me.  "I can't lose you."

"You won't."  I approached him and took his hands in mine.  "You heard the mission plan.  I go in, I disable the firewalls, I leave.  That's all.  It'll be easy."

"If they catch you, they will have no mercy."

I gave him a strange look.  "Why don't you let me be the nervous one, and you comfort me instead?"

He gave a soft laugh, leaning his forehead against mine.  "I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking about this.  What if something goes wrong?"

"Then I'll have to adapt."  I squeezed his hands in mine.  "Ben, this is important.  If I don't do this, then we have no chance at finding Snoke.  And if we don't find him, this war is never going to end."

Ben gave me a long look.  "You're right."

I smiled softly.  "I can do this."

"I know."  He pulled me in for a hug.  "I know you can."

"Your hair is going to turn gray with all of the worrying you've been doing."  I took a step back and flashed him a grin. 

He gave a dry chuckle, running his fingers through his dark curls.  "It's a wonder that it's not gray already."

We gazed at each other for a while.  I let my eyes wander over his features, admiring everything from the way his long hair framed his face to the way his lips pressed together anxiously.  I barely even noticed the jagged scar crossing his face anymore—it was something I had become accustomed to.

We've come a long way from that day in the hospital wing.

I knew he had heard my thought, and I was glad.  A small smile graced his lips, and for a moment, the stress seemed to abandon his body.

Ben opened his mouth to speak again, but then closed it, a nervous expression flashing over his features before he looked away.

I frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed.  "What?  Is something wrong?"

He fidgeted in place, seeming to look everywhere in the room but at me.

"Ben?"  I questioned him again.

"I have to ask you something."

My eyebrows rose and I nodded, encouraging him to continue.

He took a deep breath, his dark eyes darting around the room again.

"Ben, what is it?"

He cleared his throat before speaking.  "I was thinking... you said earlier that after all this is over, we could go away together.  Live together."

Ben paused, and I nodded again, confirming his words.  "That's right, I did."

"Well..." He made a face, seeming to be fighting for every word.  "I'm not sure I want to wait until this is all over to do this, because I don't know how long that will be.  It could be a matter of days or weeks, or it could be years."

I frowned slightly, confused.  "Do what?  We can't leave until the war is over, you know that.  We need to see this out until the end."

"No, I know, I know."  He rocked back and forth on his feet, his hands behind his back.

I watched him, bemused.  "Then what?"

He sucked in a half-breath and moved quickly to sit beside me on the bed.  He took my hands in his, staring at them as if they were the most interesting thing he had seen in his life.

"I know that we haven't been together very long at all.  But given all that's going on right now, I don't think I can wait any longer to ask."  He gazed at me for a moment, his dark eyes trained on my face.  "Calia, I've loved you for a long time, and even if you haven't loved me that long, I don't think I could live with myself if I let you leave on that mission tomorrow without asking you to marry me first."

It took a moment for the magnitude of his words to sink in.  When they did, my eyes widened and I fell back, pulling my hands from his.  I stumbled to my feet, taking a few steps away from the bed.  He watched me with an anxious expression, looking more and more nervous as each moment passed without an answer.

"I—" I glanced around the room wildly, completely caught off guard.

Ben looked like he might be sick.  "If you say no, I understand, I just—"

I shook my head feverishly.  "Yes."  A one-word answer.

He blanched.  "Yes?"

"Yes.  Yes, I will marry you, Ben Solo."  A slow grin spread across my face.

Ben rose to his feet shakily.  "Are you sure?"

I let out a barking laugh, taking long strides to bury myself in his arms.  "Of course I'm sure."

I felt his entire body relax under my touch, and his arms wrapped me around me in a tight embrace. 

"Thank you."

I laughed again, the sound muffled by the fabric of his shirt.  "You're welcome."

I looked up and captured his lips in a kiss.  His hands rose to my face, crushing his lips against mine.  Our mouths moved in perfect sync, my fingers coming up to tangle themselves in his midnight curls.

When we pulled away, a broad grin was across his face.  "I'm so hopelessly in love with you, Calia."

"It's a good thing I'm marrying you, then."  I bit my lip, unable to fight off the smile that felt like it was permanently engraved on my features.

He laughed breathlessly.  "Yes, yes it is."

I kissed him again.