Slipping Through My Fingers

Attack

"Gosh Codi, you don't know how badly I wanna beat the brains out of Brier."

"And why would you want to do that?" I sit in the grass leaning against a chain link fence as Trevor opens up a big umbrella he brought, always prepared. He sets the umbrella down on the ground. We sit side by side under the dark blue coverage as the slight drops of rain trickle slowly from the sky.

"Because, don't you see? He's after your innocence. Trying to kiss you and showing that video proves it. He wants more from you, and you really need to be more careful, learn to protect yourself."

"I just don't believe how Brier could be so, well, so not..."

"Perfect?" Trevor nods a few times, "I'm sorry Codi, but welcome to reality."

I glare at him, but I know he's right. "I wish I could understand why I still, you know, have feelings for him after seeing him differently than what I expected. Maybe it's because I feel like I could help him somehow, maybe I don't want to hurt his feelings, or maybe, maybe I don't know how to let go..."

Trevor gazes at me for a long time, his expression indecipherable. He turns his head away from me and pulls at the grass. "Maybe it's out of habit. You've liked him for so long, thinking he was someone else that you can't accept who he really is." I ponder the thought. Was it only from habit that I like Brier? Do I still like him? No I don't, not really anyways, but I do still care for him and I don't know if I can let that go and I'm not sure why. Though, no one says I have to. "Whatcha thinking about?" I slowly shake my head not quite sure what to say.

A small confused laugh escapes, "What do I do then?" That seems to always be the question.

Trevor rubs his chin and jawline with his thumb "Mm, that's the tough part. You need to talk to Brier about how you are feeling." He rubs the palms of his hands on his outstretched legs. "I know that sounds kinda stupid, odd, or ridiculous, especially coming from a dude, but it's true, gotta let those feelings out... and it's mature. You need to decide whether to stay his friend, if he can just be friends, or whether it's better to just, you know, say goodbye." He shrugs and his eyes search mine. Tears start to form in my eyes. Stop it Codi. This is hard for me, or maybe it's because it's not, so that's what makes me feel so distressed. I look down at the grass listening to the sounds of the rain as it starts pouring harder on top of the umbrella. I hug my knees. A drop leaks through the soaked cover and lands on my cheek. That drop triggers my breaking point. Slow silent tears slip from my eyes. "Hey hey," Trevor cautiously whispers. "No need to cry, you're strong Codi." In reply I close my eyes and shake my head sniffling. Stupid muddled feelings, stupid lies, stupid tears! "Come here," but before I'm able to shy away Trevor reaches an arm around my waist hugging me into his side as we sit there in silence. My arms still hug my legs and my head rests on my knees. Trevor's hand moves from my waist as he slowly rubs his hand up and down my back. His other hand, still with the brace on, reaches for my face and he gently wipes away my tears with his fingers, the corners of my lips slightly quivering.

My lips tremble as I try to say Trevor's name, his arm now comfortably drapes across my shoulders, "Trevor?" I murmur feebly.

"Hm?" He seems lost in his own world as me smiles brightly at me gazing into my eyes.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean?" and he starts to rub both my arms.

"Comforting me like you do, you don't have to."

"Well yeah, I don't have to do anything, but that's what..." he pauses sighing thoughtfully, "that's what best friends do. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I just let you cry now would I? Besides, I know you like it." His last words were teasing, but I don't deny it, so he grins.