Slipping Through My Fingers

The Look

I grip the edge of the bench, this waiting is killing me. In the corner of my eye I catch a few glances from Justin. He tries talking to me a few times like I was one of his old buddies. In return I would simply roll my eyes. This is no time to play pretend. I glance at the clock hanging so neatly above the office desk. It's 2:30...I only have to survive half an hour more until school's over. Then I can be with Brier. "Codi, are you okay?" a knowledgeable voice asks. Instantly I look up at the counselor, and Justin, standing only slightly away from me. "I'm fine." I muttered unconvincingly as the counselor leads us into his carefully decorated office with cushioned chairs, how nice. "Please take a seat, make yourselves comfortable." He states it in a practiced manner. That's when I know I'm not going to like any of this. I unwillingly sit down. Justin sits in the other cushioned chair too close for comfort.

"Now, as you may know, my name is Mr. Carballous. I called you guys in here today because I received a message that you two needed to figure something out. So, tell me what happened yesterday in Focus class. I already got the teacher's story, but I want to hear yours." He looks at us expectantly like we were going to spill the beans just like that. I roll my eyes, crossing my arms. I'm so not in the mood for this.

Justin's the first to speak, "We don't need to figure anything out. We're fine. Everything that happened has happened, the end." I agree, but isn't this what I've been waiting for? To, as people say, rat him out? Something just, doesn't feel right. Mr. Carballous glances at me in a questioning manner. What should I say?

"Well, what do you want to know?" My reply takes him aback a little, but he smoothly replies.

"I want to know what happened between you guys and why. Justin, this isn't the first time you've been in trouble. But Codi, why did you do what you did?"

"You mean slap him." I open bluntly. Justin looks at me not in anger, but as if he's been wondering why also. He should know. The counselor raises his eyebrows, urging me on. It all just, comes out. I couldn't stop. My words were all over the place "He doesn't have the right or the knowledge to say what he did. He doesn't know how it makes people feel when he says certain things to them. He doesn't understand what people like me go through having to deal with people like him!" My lips are quivering and my voice is unsteady, but I keep going. "There is not a day that goes by that a person doesn't get bullied, stepped on, or made fun of. Justin sees a person's weakness and uses that against them. He doesn't know..." I take a deep breath, "how it much it hurts." Mr. Carballous definitely did not expect that reaction from me. He should've known better as a counselor to expect the unexpected. But then again, his name is Mr. Carballous, not Sherlock. He clears his throat and I see Justin looking away with his head down. I realize I'm almost in tears and shaking uncontrollably like there was a mini earthquake rumbling inside my small body. "Justin, do you have anything you want to say?" Mr. Carballous ventures, probably knowing he could get on dangerous ground pretty quick. Justin pulls a hand down his face and stares up for a moment. "Yeah I got something to say. I do know what it feels like..." He stops and I see a glimmer of pain in his eyes. All I can think is, oh no Codi, what have you done. He takes a shaky breath, "My dad, my own father, he never took the time to know who I was when I was younger. He would jump to conclusions for everything that went wrong in the house and blamed it on me because I was the going to be the new man-of-the-house one day. My mom left because she couldn't take him anymore. She left me. I was only six. After that my father was never home, he was out doing who knows what with whomever...but I knew. He would come home, only to blame me for his life. He would always tell me before I went to sleep, 'Why did you have to scare your mom off like that?! Why do you have to be so disobedient?' Then he would shut me in my room. Every night. Sometimes I was left in there for a day or two because my dad would just leave." Justin glanced up, a single tear streaks down his face. Then he looks at me, and my heart stops. Blood pounds violently in my ears making my head throb. "I do know." He breathes, right at me, and it makes me feel way beyond horrible. Guilty, hurt, regret and overall just quivering dread and misery that sunk into my heart like a cold bitter stone. It's a feeling I hope I would never have to experience again.