Slipping Through My Fingers

Surprise Surprise

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know I should just let him be. I know going to his house will probably make things worse but for some reason something inside me is determined to go, or maybe I'm just too stubborn to let Trevor be right. I know I'll probably regret doing this. I shiver as I walk up the steps to his door. I lift my fist to knock on the burgundy wood, but shy away. I really shouldn't be doing this. I take few steps back staring at the door so intently as if I was expecting it to explode. I wouldn't know what to say if it did open, so I should leave. I walk through the wet grass and hoist my bike up and hop on. I ready my feet on the pedals and take one last glance before riding off. I bite my lip, looking back just in case, but nothing happens. As I pedal along I glance up at the dreary gray clouds coating the sky, how is it so hot during the day and all of a sudden so rainy lately? I pass by houses and count them. One, two, three...Trevor's. I wonder what could be going on inside right at this moment. If Trevor's thinking about me, Brier, his asthma, his math homework. I smile, maybe I should go check on him. I pull down my sleeve to glance at my watch, 8:26pm. No, I should probably head back home. Sighing I turn right, the direction to my house and the clouds decide to let a few rain drops sprinkle from the sky. Rain doesn't bother me, I love it. I ride up to me and Trevor's tree, our tree, and gaze at it with longing.

He's there. I'm conflicted on whether I should stop...he didn't seem to notice me so I could keep going if I wanted to. Gosh Codi, how heartless are you? That would make me a very awful friend. Here I go. I pull my bike over to the curb and jog through the taller grass wet with residue. I slow to a walk before approaching our tree. Trevor's sitting on the ground leaning against it with his knees pulled up to his chest and arms folded on top of them. His head is buried in his folded arms with a midnight blue hoodie pulled over his head. My heart skips a beat seeing him like this, and thinking, knowing it's probably my fault he's here. Still not sure if he's noticed me I anxiously pull my bangs behind my ear and slide down beside him. Nothing, he doesn't move. I sit there for a little while sometimes opening my mouth then closing it as I wrinkle my eyebrows, rethinking what to say. Sometimes I would tap my toes together or look around at the woods past our tree. I glance over at him wondering if he's even breathing, oh my gosh, he is breathing right? "Hey Trev, you dead?" I ask half kidding half...not. His head moves back and forth in his folded arms and I hear a muffled, "Not yet." I gaze up thankful he's finally spoken something. I venture further expecting him to be bitter, which I wouldn't blame him for being.

"What are you doing out here?" I tap my toes together and bite my lip ready for a caustic retort.

He lifts his head from his arms and presses his lips together before looking over at me whispering in a hurt but grateful voice, "Waiting for you." his mouth twitches into a temporary sideways grin and he flips his hood off.

I hold his gaze a little longer before my eyes fall to my lap. "Looks like I'm a little late?"

He grumbles softly with another weak smile as he straightens his legs out with mine, "Actually, I wasn't sure if you were going to show up. I just hoped." He shrugs. I begin to feel guilty that I almost didn't.

"How....how long have you been out here anyways?"

He tugs at the grass beside him, playing with the free pieces and shrugs, "Oh you know, an hour or two. Maybe more. I haven't really kept track but uh, it doesn't matter 'cause you're here now and I just..." he closes his eyes and inhales deeply, his breath quivering on the exhale. "I am, so sorry."

I'm taken aback at his apology and before he can say another word I retort, "No no no, I'm the one who's sorry. You have no reason to apologize at all I-"

"Codi, yes I do-"

"No, listen to me, you don't." He rolls his eyes but sits back, listening. I could've let him continue, but I feel like I needed to say something first. "I lied to you, and that was totally silly of me-"