" It hurts the worst when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today. "
King•
I woke up with a killer headache but that pain didn't amount to the pain I felt in my heart to know that the one I gave my heart to is having second thoughts about being with me. I sat on the couch just zoning in and out you would have thought I was on some hard core drug which I was the name being "love" I took the shit without reading the side effects now I'm really experiencing them. I groggily got up and started to play the perfect girlfriend pretending to not know what's going on I put my headphones in and listen to "As We Lay" the words were so powerful I felt just like the man's wife being oblivious to the whole thing until she started singing to him at her concert things started to fall into place and I felt like the biggest fool. I felt as if I should be on display with the announcer yelling to everyone "COME ONE COME ALL LOOK AT THE BIGGEST FOOL. LOVE WAS HER FRIEND, HER CONFIDANT, AND ALSO HER HOPE! AS YOU SEE LOVE IS DECEIVING."
As the song finally goes off I made the cautious decision to leave love alone for good the withdrawals couldn't be as bad as taking it.
"Loves one hell of a drug. " I scoffed as I finished making breakfast. I went to wake up Trae only to find her sitting at the edge of the bed with guilt on her face I decided not to let her know that I found out last night I just pretended that I didn't know.
"Hey baby I made breakfast. Come eat." I said as I walked out the room going back to the kitchen to get the plates and sit them on the table. We sat and ate in silence I decided to break it.
"What do you have planned for today bae? " I asked
"Huh? Oh nothing probably just go to the gym and play ball. Where's Gene?" she asked
"Asleep it's Saturday you know I let her sleep a little late on the weekends. I'll get her up soon. " I smiled finishing up my eggs.
"Are you okay? " I asked her concerned she didn't look so well I didn't know if guilt was starting to get to her but I knew I wasn't letting down my role I was going for an Oscar with this performance.
Trae•
I needed to tell her what was up but I can't seem to find the right words so I just sat there I started to get clammy I had to get out of there.
"I'm gone, I I I love you Kiya. " I stuttered as I shut the door. As I closed the door I knew exactly where I needed to go I went right over to Colbys house.
"Hey T, What's up? " Colby asked answering the door.
"I can't do this." I said looking down at the ground.
"Don't what? Explore and find yourself?" He asked
I simply nodded and walked back to my car I decided to drive to my secret hideaway and think.
As I sat down with my back against a tree listening to nature sing I instantly started to think about how Kiya looked at breakfast she looked hurt very hurt. I knew I was the cause of it from me always being mean to what she found or even if she did find it I wasn't sure but I knew I fucked up and I was bringing Kiya down. She doesn't deserve the way I've treated her she should've left a long time ago but she stayed in all hopes that I would change and all I did to her was hurt and bater her heart.
King•
"I did I did I gave you all you needed baby. " I sang as my favorite song by The Suffers went off.
I sat on the patio and drank thinking of what I should do "should I stay or should I go? " I asked myself I didn't know what to do but drink my problems away and that's what I did. As the liquor went down the burning sensation was the only comfort I've had in a while. I sent Genevieve to her grandmas for a while she didn't need to see me like this and I didn't want her to see me like this she's always seen me as her strong mommy and intend to keep it that way.
"Baby?" I hear Trae say as she stood at the door with a bouquet of flowers she walked towards me.
"I'm so sorry Kiya I love you I really do." Trae said as she handed me the flowers.
She held her hand out for me to take she led me to the couch and sat down in front of me the look of terror was painted all over her face as if she was a mural and her confession was the paint brush with her tongue being the painter.
As she gets ready to speak I stop her instantly I wasn't ready to hear it yet I couldn't bring myself to hear that she is confused. So now we sit staring at one another even though I said I was done using somehow "love" found her way back in my hand I shot it up my veins with all the side-effects taking full affect.
