The Online Experience

October 8, 1995

SixStringGuy: so tell me about your week.

Grumpybluebear: nope.

SixStringGuy: Come on I wanna hear about your life.

Grumpybluebear: you promised Jamie.

SixStringGuy: Well I changed my mind.

Grumpybluebear: well I'm not telling you anything else.

This back and forth has been going on for the last 10 minutes or so. Sure I could easily tell him about my boring ass week writing and researching for papers, but he promised last week. He made a promise and even if he was only an online friend he wasn't going to break a promise to me.

SixStringGuy: you know I don't need to get online to get this kind of shit from people 

Grumpybluebear: ok now we are getting some where.

SixStringGuy: why do you want to know so bad???

Grumpybluebear: Think about all the stuff I've told you.  Personal stuff. And you won't even tell me what you do for a living. So you promised to tell me what's going on in your relationship and I'm not going to let you break that promise to your friend...me :)

SixStringGuy: you're frustrating.

Grumpybluebear: you helped me with Miko. Maybe talking to me will help you work through whatever is going on.

SixStringGuy: I don't know if I can trust her

Grumpybluebear: so you are seriously considering marrying a woman that you are not sure if you can trust or not?

SixStringGuy: whatever. I'm done with this.

Grumpybluebear: settle down. Why aren't you sure you can trust her? Are you just freaked out or is there something in your history that makes you worry?

SixStringGuy: She's pushing and I don't like it. She told me a few months ago she wants to marry me and we talked about it with no definitive answer. Now a few weeks ago she starts talking about when we get married and the wedding this and the wedding that. She trying to push and she should know me better.

Grumpybluebear: well maybe she found the ring you bought.

SixStringGuy: no. It's in a safe deposit box she doesn't know about.

Grumpybluebear: have you talked to her about it? Told her how she's making you feel? That's might help.

SixStringGuy: oh yeah we talked about it. Then we yelled about it. Then we just screamed at each other over lots of shit.

Grumpybluebear: ok, well, what did she have to say before the screaming and yelling started.

SixStringGuy: it's complicated.

Grumpybluebear: good thing we have a lot of time then.

SixStringGuy: remember I told you we were off and on for a few years?

Grumpybluebear: yeah

SixStringGuy: Well I was off and on with another woman at the same time. Don't get me wrong they all knew about each other and they were totally cool with it. But now she apparently doesn't believe it's just her. She wants me to prove it to her by getting married.

Grumpybluebear: do know how many things are wrong with what you just said???

SixStringGuy: oh but hold on, I haven't told you the best part.

Grumpybluebear: dear god there's more?

SixStringGuy: last week she tells me that earlier this summer, after we made it official that it was just her and I, she was seeing another guy. So for the first few weeks of our exclusive "monogamous" relationship she was sleeping with another man.

As I finished reading his words I couldn't help but let a shocked expression fall over my face. When this man said things were complicated he wasn't exaggerating.

Grumpybluebear: ok, wow, complicated was an understatement. So let me make sure I've got this. Hold on what's your girls name?

SixStringGuy: Mary

Grumpybluebear: ok. You and Mary were sort of friends with benefits for a few years and you had that same arrangement with another woman as well, but everyone was cool with it. But now that it's just you and Mary she don't trust you. That sounds about right?

SuxStringGuy: basically.

Grumpybluebear: Well first of all, signing a piece of paper will not make her trust you anymore than she does now because it won't stop you, or her, from cheating.

SixStringGuy: yeah, I know that.

Grumpybluebear: have you really dropped the other woman? Does Mary have a valid concern? Be honest.

SixStringGuy: Wow, you don't trust me either?

Grumpybluebear: that's not what I said :|

SixStringGuy: Sure you didn't. There isn't anyone else.

Grumpybluebear: I was just wondering, not judging. Do you know for sure that she dropped the other guy?

SixStringGuy: yeah?

Grumpybluebear: how are you sure? If you don't trust her how can you trust she wasn't lying about dropping him.

SixStringGuy: I asked him. He's someone I worked pretty closely with for a while.

Grumpybluebear: oh

SixStringGuy: he filled me in, told me all about how she didn't tell him we had gotten together. And apparently he was the one that had to break it off when he found out. She didn't want to end things.

Grumpybluebear: Are you fucking serious? You found all this out and you're still with her. Come on you sound like a vey sure minded, headstrong business man. This doesn't fit at all with the image I have of you.

SixStringGuy: Things aren't always as they appear.

Grumpybluebear: I guess so. But I guess the biggest question is the one you didn't answer earlier. How can you even consider marrying a woman you don't trust?

SixStringGuy: I think I love her.

Grumpybluebear: But love and trust are not mutually exclusive, in fact I'm pretty sure they go hand in hand. And if she loved you wouldn't she have dropped the other guy right away?

SixStringGuy: I've thought about all that. She says she loves me. I don't know what to do.

Grumpybluebear: Jamie I think you do know what to do. I think you know this is all a mess.

SixStringGuy: yeah. You wanted to know and now you do.

Grumpybluebear: I'm sorry.

The words on my screen came across as so dejected it broke my heart to read them. Part of me wished I could give my mysterious friend a hug and tell him it would all work out, but Another part of me wanted to reach through the screen and smack him for letting her walk all over him and perhaps teach him that women are never ok being one of many.

SixStringGuy: it's fine. It did actually feel good to tell some one. I don't have a lot of people I can confide in these days, so thanks for that Sydney.

Grumpybluebear: You can talk to me anytime. I just wish I could actually help you :(

SixStringGuy: you have. Don't be sad. Now, are you going to tell me about your week or not?

And just like that I knew he was done with the topic and there would be no going back to it tonight. So I filled him in on the mundane goings on in my life and while my mind kept returning to his situation, our conversation never did.

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A/N
I was worried no one would be interested in this story when I started it and now we're over 1,000 views. A big thank you to everyone for reading 💜. We've got a long way to go with this experience.