The Online Experience

May 4, 1996

A few days later it was Saturday night and I was glued to my computer screen like nothing bad or out of the ordinary had ever happened.  Our conversation a few night prior had ended with me falling asleep to the sound of his soft words telling me how much I meant to him and how he wanted nothing more than to be there with me in that moment, wrapped tight around me, protecting me from all of this. His words had soothed the burning ache I'd been left with, but even the soft tone of his words couldn't quite quell all the questions cluttering my anxious mind.

SixStringGuy: So you're starting work on your final papers for the year?

He was interested in talking about anything and everything happening in my life.  All attempts at turning the tide of the leisurely conversation towards the events of his life were quickly diverted back to me, making it obvious he had no plans to readdress the issues of his recent past. He knew as well as I did there were things that still needed to be said and he was steering the conversation so far around those issues I could barely see them on the horizon.

Grumpybluebear: Yeah, it's gonna be a busy month or so around here. Between classes, work, research, and actually writing I just might go a little extra nuts lol.

Smiling at my words as I turned my attention to the little purple colored brush sweeping over my toenails. The bold color transferred smoothly and made me wonder what he'd say if he was here right now.  His familiar smirking baritone filled my imagination making a particularly cocky remark about me branding myself as his with each coat of the color I'd applied to my nails.  The mere thought of those words so casually tripping off his familiar lips caused my small laugh to bounce around my room, at the same time sending an unusual chill down my spine.

SixStringGuy: Well I'm here to make sure you take breaks and to make sure you don't go nuts mama ;)

Taking my foot off the desk and resting my newly decorated toes softly on the carpet I scooted closer to the key board. My full attention back on him and a smile taking up permanent residence on my face as the blush on my cheeks began to darken. I knew there was a conversation still to be had about that night, questions I still has no answer to, questions that were precariously balancing on the tip of my tongue, the tip of my fingers. Where had his phone been all that time? Why didn't he reach out sooner? And where was John in all of this? Why didn't he set Prince straight about what happened? Had Prince even spoken to him since then? All of these questions beat at my brain like a nagging drum that refused to let me forget that there was something seriously wrong, but he was back. My Jamie was alive and well and his playful tones were back. As much as I wanted to type out all my questions and demand the answers I still felt I deserved I couldn't help but fall right back into our comfortable, playful ways.

Grumpybluebear: Ah, but you're going to be busy getting everything finished on the album and everything else that goes along with that dear.

Anxiety surging like an electrical pulse, I cocked an eyebrow at the screen as I waited for his response  

SixStringGuy: Of course I'll be busy with the album, but not too busy for you.

Grumpybluebear: sure you won't ;)

SixStringGuy: Lets start now sweetheart. I think you need a break.

Licking my lips as I heard his words in my mind as if he was standing just behind me, strong hands with fingers calloused from playing guitar hovering just above my bare shoulders as he waited for the perfect moment to finally touch what is his.  My eyelids slipped closed for the briefest moment, the longing for him, for his touch, becoming too much. My fingers hopped over the keys without even a thought for what they were typing, until my eyes revealed the screen to me.