The Online Experience

December 17, 1995

SixStringGuy: Hello sugar!! I've missed you.

I felt myself blush as his words came across my screen. If truth be told I've missed Jamie too, but just thinking about this conversation has me nervous. I've been nervous about this conversation since I'd stepped out the doors of Paisley Park and got in that cab back to Minneapolis. I knew he was going to ask about the trip, but the question became what was I going to say? How would I explain the show?

Grumpybluebear: Hey Jamie, I've missed you too. Feels like a long time since we chatted last.

SixStringGuy: it has been lol. So how was your trip? I want to hear all about it.

Shifting uncomfortably in my chair my hands rest nervously as the base of the keyboard as my fingers try to find the words my mind can't. The only words they hover over are the ones associated with the images I've not been able to shake from that night. My hand on his chest. . .Hazel eyes gone dark. . .his hand on my knee, moving up my thigh. . .that kiss. . .

Grumpybluebear: it was great. Meg and I got to spend so much time together. We caught up on everything that's been happening in our lives over the last few years. It was just so nice to get away and see some different scenery. So how have you been?

SixStringGuy: well I've been fine lol. But seriously that's all you got to tell me about your vacation?

Grumpybluebear: there really isn't much to tell.

SixStringGuy: ok? What about the show at Paisley Park, how was it?

Grumpybluebear: good.

The image of Prince and I sitting in his recording studio filled my mind.

SixStringGuy: just good?

Grumpybluebear: yeah.

SixStringGuy: are you sure you're ok?

Grumpybluebear: yes :)

SixStringGuy: ok sugar, these one word answers aren't you. What's really going on?

The blush rose on my cheeks as I tried to think of something more specific to talk about that didn't involve those few hours.

Grumpybluebear: Sorry, I just don't really know what to say about that whole event.

SixStringGuy: what do you mean you don't know what to say? I thought it was just good. I'm confused.

My annoyed sigh felt as though it took all the air from my lungs as my brain tried to fall deeper into those memories. Images that had rolled through my mind at the most inappropriate times over the last week and that's when I realized it had in fact been a week ago that I had essentially ran away from something I didn't understand and couldn't face. I had physically ran out on Prince just the way I'd done numerous times on Jamie during our conversations. It was an unsettling idea, but I was starting to think I'm a coward.

Grumpybluebear: Fine, the concert was good. It was intense and I was impressed with the performance. Your favorite artist certainly does have quite the stage presence, lol.

SixStringGuy: See now was that so hard. Why didn't you want to admit how much you enjoyed your time.

Grumpybluebear: It's not that I didn't want to admit I had a great time, I really did. And I was really impressed, there's just other things. It complicated..

A small laugh comes over me as I take note of using his own favorite phrase.

SixStringGuy: You think I don't see what you did there : /