The Online Experience

January 1, 1996

Last Sunday was Christmas Eve which I spent with my family and I can only assume he had done the same, enjoying his time with whatever family members he was close to. This Sunday was New Year's Eve and I had spent the greater part of the evening at a friends party and it was now officially the new year.  1996 had officially started and I was starting it the same way I had spent most of the latter half of 1995; sitting in my computer chair studying the subtle glow of my familiar computer screen. It was just after 2 am and I wanted the solitude and quiet that I could often find online.  Hitting sign on and waiting through the almost comforting screeching of technology, I wondered what he was doing tonight. I'm sure he was at some party, some "business" event, enjoying the company of beautiful women and not giving me a second thought. Yet here I was, long after I'd wandered  away from my chosen party, hiding myself away from the world and thinking about him; giving him nearly every thought I had to give. I wasn't even paying attention to the screen anymore by the time the system had finished logging on. I was too busy wondering what he would be like at a party tonight. Likely the life of the party; charming and able to hold his own in nearly any conversation, gaining the attention of most of the women in the room as one point or another. I was pulled out of my stupor by the chime type noise the messenger service made as a new message appeared on my screen. "Jamie?" I asked the empty room while shaking my head. I hadn't even thought about him tonight.

SixStringGuy: Happy New Year Sydney.

Grumpybluebear: Happy NewYear Jamie. What are you doing up? Isn't it like 4am where you're at?

SixStringGuy: Yeah, I'm a night owl. Besides Mary and I had a huge fight.

Grumpybluebear: I'm sorry Jamie. You want to talk about it?

SixStringGuy: Not tonight. Why aren't you at a party tonight?

Grumpybluebear: I was, but I left right after the new year came in. My mind has been fairly preoccupied and I didn't want to be around a bunch of people anymore.

SixStrigGuy: I get that. What's been on your mind?

Grumpybluebear: Prince.

SixStringGuy: Really? Does it have anything to do with that little bomb you dropped on me before signing off a few weeks ago?

Grumpybluebear: yes. It has a lot to do with that. And it's just stupid. I mean come on I'm sure he hasn't given me a second thought.

SixStringGuy: you never know Sydney.

Grumpybluebear: I never knew touch could feel like ... Like that. And his mouth, I mean I'd never,

Thinking for just a split second that I should feel more insecure, or embarrassed, discussing this with Jamie, but I just didn't. I needed to talk to someone about this, tell someone what really happened that night and talk about the lingering impression those events have left me with.  Who better to tell than Jamie.

SixStringGuy: never what sugar?

Grumpybluebear: I'd never been licked before. His tongue, his fingers, the way he spoke to me in those last few moments...

Drawing a deep, shaky breath as those intense memories washed over me.  All my senses awash in the memory of him.

SixStringGuy: Sydney?

Grumpybluebear: Jamie I had no idea what a mans touch could really feel like. When I watched him on stage that night I think I spent most of that time just watching his hands; wondering if that's what his hands looked like when they played on me. I literally have to change my underwear every time I drift back into that memory.