Secret Thoughts (Yoonmin) [#wattys2017]

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Chapter one: The day Yoongi began to feel useless

Some days were harder than others.

These days were usually characterized by the willingness of taking his own life, by the feeling of actually having the guts to end it all.

These days, would usually begin with Yoongi feeling dizzy. He would try to stand up from his bed, and his legs would not respond and he would fall down, groaning in pain, and because Seokjin was already in the kitchen by the time Yoongi woke up, there was no one who saw this event, or someone who could help him with the pain.

He would usually stay in the floor for about five minutes before trying again, and when he could actually stand up, he would feel a pain inside his chest that didn't let him breath.

When it first happened Yoongi had freak out. He'd try to shout for help but no sound came from his mouth. He tried walking but his legs wouldn't move. Then, he slowly realized that all he had to do for the pain to leave was stay calm.

After that he would always leave his room and try help Seokjin with breakfast.

The day he realized he was useless began just like that.

He'd woken up with the feeling of throwing up, and when he tried to run to the bathroom he fell to the floor so hard that he hit his head and almost fell unconscious.

Due to the fact that his head made a big noise, this time, the members did realize something had happen and had run towards his room only to find the gray haired man lying on the floor, crying.

Much to his dislike it had been Taehyung and Hoseok who helped him stand up, and because his legs were still very weak he had to let the two drag him out of the room.

"I'm going to throw up" he was surprised by the roughness of his voice.

Taehyung had nodded once he said that, and with the help of Hoseok they managed to take him to the bathroom before he puked.

"Okay, Yoongi, I don't think you are healthy enough to practice today" Seokjin had say once he managed to stand on his own. The other members shook their heads in agreement.

"I'm fine" he said, but the members didn't buy it. Obviously. "I'm seriously okay" and because the universe wasn't on his side that day, the moment he said so, he felt like throwing up again.

Running back to the bathroom he found himself throwing up more than he expected. He tried not to cry as he did so but because his throat hurt so bad he couldn't stop himself from crying.

"Yoongi" it was Seokjin "just stay here for today and rest"

"I won't let you get behind because of a stupid vomit"

"Yoongi this is obviously not a 'stupid vomit' come on" Yoongi sighed, and he knew he couldn't do anything against it, so he nodded, and sighed.

He tried to stand up from the floor putting a hand on the toilet seat (which he had put down while Seokjin was talking to him) but -again- he fell down as his arms didn't respond.

"Fuck"

"Are you okay?" Jimin asked, as it seemed like he had been standing behind Seokjin the whole time.