Secret Thoughts (Yoonmin) [#wattys2017]

12

Chapter twelve: that miraculous day, when Yoongi confessed to Jimin- and Jimin confessed to Yoongi.

Sometimes Yoongi wanted to die.

Honestly he didn't know why. He had a good a life, he saw no reason as to why he felt the way he did. He'd managed to live with it, though, until suddenly, everything started to go wrong. And he didn't know how to deal with it.

He tried to kill himself. And he almost succeeded.

At first, he hated not succeeding. All he wanted was to end the pain. He was a coward, he knew, but he didn't care, he didn't fucking care.

Until he saw Park Jimins worried expression.

He'd never felt so guilty.

And though he didn't think about it right away, later he promised himself 'never again'.

That's why when he saw Jimin's expression the day of his return, he felt so anxious about it. Had he done something? Didn't Jimin want him to go back? Suddenly he felt like the  confidence he'd gain while talking to Namjoon the day before, disappeared, and he was now full of fear and worrisome.

He tried shrugging it off but it wouldn't leave. Thoughts began to accumulate in his mind, and they didn't let him think straight. His friends didn't seem to notice, thank God, because if they did they would start worrying and he hadn't even fully arrive.

He was grateful, though, of the huge amount of hugs he'd received when they saw him. He felt welcomed which made him feel a little better. Specially seeing Jimin standing in one corner, bitting his nails, and ignoring the presence of the older completely.

"Are you going to tell him?" Asked Namjoon once Yoongi had settle (which actually consisted in Yoongi throwing the stuff he had in his bed) and had now reunited with them in the living room, waiting for Seokjin to tell them where they were going.

Yoongi shook his head tiredly.

"I don't think so"  Namjoon whined.

"What, why?"

"Because, I mean, look at him, he clearly doesn't want me here. He didn't even say hi, Joon"

"But-"

"Let it go, I'm okay"

"You sure?" Namjoon asked worriedly. Yoongi nodded.

"Yeah, it's fine" Yoongi sighed, and Namjoon decided that it was better not to push the subject.

"I'm going to go find something to drink, you want anything?" Yoongi shook his head.

"It's fine. I'm just going to finish unpacking the rest of my stuff. I'll meet you in twenty minutes, okay?"

"Yeah, okay" he turned around and silently, fighting the tears that threatened to leave his eyes, he walked away.

Jimin watched as the older left the living room, and sighed tiredly, realizing that he'd done absolutely nothing, and that he'd fucked up. He hadn't even say hi. He shook his head and let out a breath. What should he do now?