Perception (Clexa)

9

Clarke's POV

*1 hour and a half earlier*

"Are you trying to say I smell, Lexa" I know she was only being kind and joking about it, I don't remember the last time I even had a shower.

"Yes, Yes I am" she says. I allow myself to laugh at her honesty "Well okay I'll go shower if you insist" I give a small smile and walk towards my bathroom opening the door. I see the clothes I laid out the other day when I was going to take a shower the last time but made myself a excuse not to.

I closed the door behind me locking it. I really didn't feel like doing anything. It's been hard the last couple of days, Lexa's been great but I don't deserve her I don't deserve anything. My nightmares won't stop at night and everyday I walk into my living room where the man I loved, the man I killed use to lay. Clarke shook her head "no Clarke not again, you can't go back to that dark place" it felt harder for me to breathe as I wiped the stray tears that had made their way down my cheeks. I took a deep breath and remember why I was in this bathroom.... to take a shower but a bath sound better so I started to run some water for a bath.

Once the water was almost up to the edge of the tub I turned it off and got undressed and took a seat in the bathtub. It was actually relaxing but my mind went back to the bad place remembering Finn's eyes as I buried him into the dirt, how the blood pouring out of him as I shot him one more time, I never wanted to do it.. but it had to be done, tears began to well up in my eyes I couldn't stop them. "I'm so sorry Finn, I'm so so sorry" I whispered.

Finn was looking right at Clarke standing next to the tub. It was pay back for what she had done to him. He briefly brought his finger to his lip "shh" he said.

Clarke was beyond scared, she thought it was the ghost of Finn hunting her, he would always be there but Clarke didn't know that it was her mind playing tricks on her no one was actually there. Somewhere some how Clarke was slowly becoming a hazard to herself.

Finn looked at the water in the tub that Clarke was current sitting in. "You know what you have to do Clarke" he turns and walks off disappearing right before her eyes.

"Wait" she whispered "I'm so sorry" I sobs uncontrollably. I knew what had to be done. A life for a life, I wiped my my eyes and closed them, slowly painfully sunk down into the water until my mouth and nose was underwater. I could finally feel the darkness taking over me. This was it... this was the end.

....

Lexa's POV

"Clarke No!" was all I manage to croak out.

I quickly took off my shoes and blazer and got into the tub to retrieve Clarke's limp body. I laid her on the bathroom floor trying to find a pulse... there wasn't one. I began to pump her chest and blowing air into her mouth "Don't you dare do this to me Clarke!" I screamed and pumped her chest two more times and blew oxygen into her mouth one more time. Still nothing. I constantly pumped and pumped but it was too late I thought I held her limp body in my arms discarding the fact that she was completely naked. "Clarke" I cried into her wet wavy hair. "I'm sorry Clarke I should've known you weren't okay" Lexa allowed herself to cry she tried to stop the tears but they just wouldn't stop falling she ran her hands through Clarke's wet hair wishing she would've told the girl how she made her feel inside.

Clarke coughed up some water and my eyes shot up to look at the girl. "Clarke" I whispered and she "hmm" in response. I couldn't help but smother the girl into a hug.

"I'm sorry Lexa" I shh her and she looks up at me with the saddest eyes.

"It's okay I'm going to get you some help" I respond as I kissed her head. "Let's get you dry and changed" me realizing that she was still naked. Clarke nodded in response. I helped her off the floor and turned my back to her still being respectful while she got dressed. Once she finished I guided her to her bedroom of which me and her would have lunch in or watch our favorite sick com's in. Clarke was.. Clarke back then she smiled so much now I hardly saw it anymore. If I hadn't have let her walk away from me I could've been there for her.

Clarke got in bed and I covered her up rubbing her head. "I'm hear Clarke, you're not alone" I whisper hoping she knew I really meant it. "Lexa" she sounded so defeated.

"Yes Clarke?"

"Could you lay with me"

Lexa really needed to get back to The White House before her wife notices but she couldn't leave Clarke like this.. not now. "Of course" I said giving her a warm smile laying in the bed next to her. Clarke took the bold move to snuggle her back into my chest grabbing my arm and wrapping it around her. I allowed myself to smile at the gesture she makes it easy for me to be myself around her. I nuzzles my head into her neck and close my eyes voluntary. Truth be told I haven't been getting any rest in lately. I was too worried about Clarke and was burying my face into work to stop thinking about her but now she's here right in front of me why can't I tell her what she does to me but not in this state she's in.

"Goodnight Clarke" was all that came out my month.

"Goodnight Commander" she said and I saw the corners of her mouth slightly turn up. I allowed myself to smile because Clarke was trying and that's all I needed from her was.... effort.

A/N: I think I'll work more on this than "Lost but Found" because I can't keep up with both. Keep voting!