If I live forever, I can live now

34

"You and I. It was never ordinary. And it was scary." he said, showing the most honest expression I had ever seen in his eyes.

"It was scary for me too." I admitted, as I took the joint from his hand again, aching to feel relaxed. "I've always longed to have control over... everything. Death was the only thing that definitely escaped my plan. And then it didn't anymore. And that has turned to be even scarier than being its slave. Now that I can control it, I am responsible for it. And I can't take it."

"Yes, you can, Tess. You're the bravest person I have ever known."

"That's not true..." I said, shaking my head. Tears started to fall down my cheeks again.

He abruptly moved much closer to me, and he took my face between his hands. I gasped. Our mouths were only a few inches apart. His breath of marihuana brushed my skin. He softly dried my tears with his fingers.

"It is true. So, tell me, Tessa: What should we do now?"

I wanted to answer to what we should do right then, but I didn't want to fall back into his arms too easily, so I took his hands in my hands to move them away from my face, and slightly pulled back.

"Nothing ordinary." I answered, and he smiled. "We've already tried that. Demonstrations and trials aren't going to get us anywhere."

"And what do you suggest then, my crazy boss?" he joked, and I smiled.

"This evening I stole plenty of material from the lab." I reminded him.

His eyes opened wide when he realized I was serious about going illegal. I almost added that I had done it with Camille's help, but I decided I didn't want to bring her up. Not when it felt like we were making up.

"See? You are the bravest person I know. So... you really want to go illegal, to start doing it secretly?"

"Yes. I know you don't think it's a good idea, and David said I shouldn't, but..."

"Sh." he hushed me, and he put his hand over my mouth. I gasped again. "I don't want you to mention that asshole ever again. We are going to take him down. I promise."

"I don't know if I want to take him down." I said, and I instantly wondered why I had said that.

Luke backed off and looked away from me.

"What do you want, Tessa?" he asked in an angry tone, clenching his teeth. "Do you want him?"

Did I?

"No." I answered, and I tried to collect that bravery he affirmed I had in me from all the corners of my body. "I want what we had. I want you to be with me through all this. I want to feel like I felt..." I tried to think of the moment I had missed most during his absence, and memories of my lonely sunset walks by the Thames crept in. "... at the London Eye"

He looked at me again, but his expression was serious and unreadable and contained. I didn't know if he was going to yell at me or kiss me. But I did know what I wanted, so I moved forward and climbed on his lap.

"Tess..."

I kissed his forehead, and started a trail of kisses along his face, through his cheekbone, down to his jaw... His breathing started to get faster, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, and pressed me towards him. I opened my knees, so that I was sat on top of him. I started to feel him grow and harden through his jeans, and I kissed him.

He kissed me back furiously, bit my lip angrily, and started to undo the buttons of my blouse. Before he even took it off, he kissed and bit my cleavage, impatient, anxious. I put my hands under his t-shirt and caressed his back and pulled him in, closer to me. I ached to feel his skin against mine. He pushed me so that I lay on the bed, without stopping to bite my cleavage and my neck. I took his t-shirt off, revealing his perfect, muscular body, eager.