If I live forever, I can live now

13

Mum and dad came to Oxford the following day. Lindsay and I met at Worcester and walked to the Kings Arms pub. It was the oldest pub in Oxford, and the one I spent most time at. I usually spent long hours lost in the books at Blackwell after eating there, because that bookshop was just at the other side of the street. I loved reading poems at the cafeteria in the top floor, while I had a hot chocolate looking over the Radcliffe Camera. Africa always got lost in the "Antique and Rare Books" section. I thought about how big that section would get over the ages. History would be the hardest subject of all. Endless.

Then I realized we would actually be able to meet most of the people in history books. The new remarkable people would not become legends anymore. They would be less idolized, or less hated. On the contrary, dead people would be conceived archaic. Nora would be part of a dark, inquisitorial era. That thought made me shiver. I definitely decided to stop thinking about history when I asked myself how books would talk about me.

We arrived at the pub and ordered jacket potatoes. Dad offered me a beer, but I couldn't do alcohol after having slept for a couple of hours only. I looked at him and mum and felt relieved knowing that I would never have to lose them now. Then I looked at Lindsay and marveled when I realized her indescribable beauty would never go away.

I had already told my parents about my discovery. They had been the first to know, and we had already talked everything through, but they had insisted on meeting before the weekend to discuss it face to face.

"Tess, those dark circles under your eyes are getting worryingly intense." mum said.

Hers, on the other hand, were fresh and young, and they shone on her white, porcelain skin. Lindsay and her looked so much alike.

"She didn't have much sleep last night." Lindsay said, and I pinched her beneath the table.

"She never has much sleep." dad pointed out.

I sighed, glad, for once, that my insomnia was such an unsurprising thing. I had already told them about Luke, but I preferred not to answer questions about our nights together. My mind flashed back to the London Eye and I flushed intensely. Lindsay looked at me and giggled. Many ways of strangling her occurred to me.

Just as I was about to say something to tease her, her phone beeped. Her blue eyes turned grey as she looked at the screen, and that scared me. We had already had enough blues in the last years. Mum and dad were practically the only ones that had taken my discovery in an optimistic way, so I expected cheerful words and toasts during that lunch, not opaque gazes and more silence.

"It's Danny." Lindsay told me, without lifting her gaze from the phone screen.

"That little boy you are so fond of?" mum asked.

Lindsay nodded, and tears started to run down her cheeks. Mum closed her eyes, and sighed deeply. She looked like she couldn't deal with any more tragedy either. Dad took Lindsay's phone from her, and asked:

"What is acute pulmonary edema?"

"Oh, no!" I yelled, covering my mouth with my hands.

"Yes." Lindsay affirmed. "He's dying. I have to go there. I just need another minute to collect myself."

I should have kept quiet for Lindsay, but words came of my mouth like a grenade.

"Oh my God. People are still dying and I could have prevented it. I'm killing people. Damn, this whole thing was exactly to avoid that, to avoid killing more people like I murdered Nora, to be able to save the world and revenge her. What am I doing?

Dad made a gesture at me to lower my voice.

"Dad, I don't really think anyone's going to take that seriously." Lindsay said.