Woman.

Men and Boys.

I'm afraid of men hitting me. Raising there voice at me, touching me period. I come from a long line of abuse and neglect, which puts me at a standpoint with men. I don't like hugs or embraces from boys, as simple as it seems, I dislike it.
There are most definitely certain men or boys I allow to hug me, which is three. When men or even women try to hug me, my mind automatically thinks it is a way to hurt me. The people who have embraced me my entire life have been the ones to put their foot on my back and demand that I get up.

I expect men to stay away from me, to not like me. But they do, and that confuses me. I always express that I'm not interested or I'm too young to even consider dating, but some take that as a sign that I'm flirting. I like men. I like the thought of someone loving me in ways I have not been loved. I desire a man that will not feel less of anything he is with me, or make me feel any less of a woman. But I'm afraid.

I know the type of boys that gravitate towards me. The players and the "athletes", the popular ones that see my naïveté as a weakness. See my innocence as an advantage. I am naive, yet being naive does not equate to being stupid. I am innocent, but just as despicable. Boys am have a way with their words to make me feels a though I am never just an option, reality tells me I am among 13 other girls who are gullible enough to believe cheap pick up lines.

I am afraid of running out of a domestically abusive family into the arms of a man who has the same morals. I am afraid that my expectations and standards of men are not high enough. I want to be enough.