The first time we kissed, my heart instantly stopped beating. Yet nobody had to use the paddles to jump start it, the electricity between us already did it.
But that’s not even the beginning.
From our first hello, the friendship between us grew, everyday. We bonded like magnets, yet somedays we felt like polar opposites.
We became best friends, growing, faster than a sneeze, closer than a train to it’s tracks but with more adrenaline than a bonfire flame. We talked, everyday, but the sweet nectar that is your voice was never enough to satisfy the hunger of my ears.
And as we matured, so did our friendship. You were no longer this skinny, smelly boy with lanky limbs that blushed from the confusion of what warmed his heart. And I knew from the way you looked at me, that I was no longer the petite freckled girl with pigtails of wild sun tinted hair. There was something different, we could both see it. Our simple friendship became more passionate. It began with late night talks then moved to dates on the docks. We were becoming more, and both of us were terrified. But it was something that felt too good not to be right.
Now I am the one blushing because I never knew that perfection could look so damn good in just jeans and a T-shirt. The cracking voice of awkwardness was now a tone I didn’t recognize. It was deep, like a river washing away childhood, calming like the suns rays of hope, yet insecure like a broken heart. I began to notice dimples, a kind smile of honesty, beautiful big eyes that became deeper and richer in color with each passing day. The boy who was always awkward and gullible was now charming and charismatic.
My once open pasture of a mind is now clouded with an overcast of raw emotions and sensitivity that I never knew I could feel. You were my handsome weirdo who laughed at my jokes even though they made no sense. You are down to earth and were always accepting of who I was, as difficult as it was sometimes. You permanently placed a smile on my face even thew tear stained eyes. You use to always be there for me and bring magic into my dimly lit world. But above all, you always remembered to call me beautiful, especially when I needed it most.
Now the only time we see each other is through a screen. We only call and text, never face to face chat. And it gets to me that the light we once both shared has been blown out like dandelion because you are now just pixels on my screen. I no longer can make you smile by saying I love you. I’m not really sure of the last time that you called me beautiful. How do you tell someone that you are broken when they are the ones who broke you? I have to wire this empty jaw into a smile so you believe me when I say nothings wrong. But if you actually took the time to look into my eyes, you’d see i’ve been broken for far too long.x
