4:27am

Chapter 9

"They began the night I escaped Hydra. I guess that whatever was in the drugs they gave me prevented them. 

I killed so many people Steve. So many people. Mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. I killed a 5 year olds father, Steve. In front of her. 

I choked on the bloody air of burned buildings and stepped over the bodies of children and families.

 I tortured men and woman until they died. I left people trapped in horrible places. Left them to die. I laughed at their begging. Laughed. And then shot them. 

I destroyed lives and homes. Marriages and friendships. I ended lives that were beginng to amount to amazing things. Lives that were just beginning to even begin. Good people died. Because of me. 

And the voices. I can hear their begging. their pleading. Their screaming. I can hear them screaming for mercy, for death. I scream myself awake, just to drown out the voices. 

I can still remember everything. From the 40's yes, that's great. But from after that? From when I was the Winter Solider? It's hell. 

I have hell in my head. 

And sometimes its fine. But honestly? Most of the time its not. Most of time its hell raging. And when I sleep my mind is vulnerable. It's weak and open. And that's when hell goes to town.

 I need help Stevie. I need YOUR help. I don't want some know it all physiologist who doesn't know jack about me. I need you. You saved me Stevie. From Hydra, from myself. If you want to kick me out, don't sugarcoat it. Kick me out."

Bucky had pushed away from Steves embrace and was now huddled up in the corner, wrapped up in his blankets and tugging at his hair. His mind was screaming the words it usually just spoke, constantly.

Worthless

Used

Monster

Winter solider

Killer

Freak

Inhuman

Burden

Waste of life

A toy

Broken

Just give up.                                        

"Hey, hey now. Shhhh. Don't say that, Bucky. I would never kick you out. What you did was not your fault. It was those bastards at HYDRA. 

I will hunt down and kill everyone of them, I promise. I will never kick you out Bucky. Ever." Steve hugged Bucky tighter as he sobbed.

 A few tears slipped down Steve's cheeks, but he hastily wiped them away. Burying his face in Buckys long dark hair, he murmured sweet everything's into Bucky's ears. 

Slowly Bucky's tears lessens and his breathing became deep and even. Steve looked down with a soft smile. Bucky's sleep seemed peaceful and calm. 

He snuggled down into the bed and closed his eyes, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

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He was woken by a punch in the stomach, a whimper, and then a bloodcurdling scream. His eyes shot open and he sprang up. Bucky was thrashing, kicking and screaming. His face was streaked with tears and in-between the screams he was muttering

" Please, please, enough, oh god please stop. No!! Please, oh god please enough!"

Steve was about  to shake him awake, but stopped. He instead began to rub his hair, planting soft kisses to his temple. 

Bucky's eyes flew open and he rolled over to see Steve. He gave a sigh of relief.

"You want to talk about it?" Steve asked.

"I want to cut my hair. It's... It's to..... I want it short again. Like I had in the 40's. And then I want to talk about it."

"Ok buck, we'll get you hair cut.  Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"No, lets watch a movie. But first I'm gonna have a shower."

"But it's 4:37 am you can't-" Steve was cut of by Bucky slamming the door. He sighed. He walked up to the door and heard a muffled hiss of pain.

"Buck, you okay?" 

"Yeah fine, just got shampoo in my eye.' Bucky lied. He wasn't even in the shower yet. He was watching crimson blood drip down his legs, as his thighs  spilt open by his  horrible, wonderful, blade.

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The actual chapter is 666 words. 😳 I love this chapter so much, I was beyond proud of it! Much love to @_AuroaB for always being supportive. Thank you for reading, goodbye silver nuggets!!