4:27am

Chapter 11

The sleeping pills seemed to be doing their job. Bucky was sleeping though the night and Steve was beyond happy for him.

 In fact, if you saw Bucky from Steves eyes, you'd see a happy individual, who's life had finally taken a turn for the better. And that was true....... to an extent.

He was ecstatic that his nightmares had left, but every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was blood and his time as the winter solider. 

And even though he had Stevie, his blade was still being used regurlaly. It was getting harder and harder to hide it from Steve, who was beginning to suspect something was up. 

And Bucky knew he had to quit, he knew it. But every time he tried to, something told him he desvered it. So he continued.

After him and Steve got back from ice cream, they went back to the house.

 Bucky yelled something abut having a shower and slammed the bathroom door, leaving Steve watching the T.V.

Steve smirked when he remembered Bucky's comment from earlier. He switched off the T.V and grabbed a towel. He walked to the door and heard no shower running.

Confused, he turned the door handle, not expecting to be unlocked. To his surprise, it was. Walking in, he was surprised to see Bucky sitting on the counter in Steve's boxers, riffling though a small first aid back.

Ignoring the rush of pride he felt in seeing Bucky in his boxers he gasped when he saw the bloody red lines on Bucky's thighs. 

Bucky's head shot up and he lept off the counter. Steve's his grew wider as he saw the many, many, old scars on Bucky's legs.

"Steve.........Steve I-"

"Just take a shower. We can talk later. And give me the blade."

"But-"

"The blade, Buck. Now."

Bucky sighed and handed it over. Steve walked out and shut the door behind him. Running his hands through his hair, he began assessing the situation.

Why would he? He had me. We could've talked. Oh god, what if I'm why? How could I not see this happening? I love him for gods sake! Maybe love blinded me. Dear god Steve stop feeling sorry for yourself! Buckys in there washing his own blood from his hands!

He heard a door click close and looked up. Bucky was standing in the doorway, a towel hanging off his hips.

"Can I put some clothes on?" Bucky asked, so quietly Steve had to strain to hear him. He stood up and Bucky backed away, eyes darting for an escape.

He was expecting punishment, he had screwed up, and at HYDRA screwing up meant punishment. Steve nodded and Bucky hurried to go put some of his warmest and comfiest sweatpants and a plain black shirt. 

He sat down across from Steve, taking a few deep breaths. Steve was stung by how far away Bucky sat.

"I'm sorry. I screwed up. I'm so sorry. I'll get my stuff and leave. I know you're probably disgusted by me. " Bucky looked down, digging his nails into his palm and tugging on his hair with his metal hand. 

Steve reached up and pulled the metal arm away, while uncurling buckys fist.

"I'm not going to kick you out buck. I would never do that. I love you. But we're gonna talk,ok? We're gonna have a long discussion, and we're going to sort this out. Because I love you. I love you to much for you to be doing this to yourself." Steve smiled softly at Bucky, who's lips had parted slightly at the words "I love you". Bucky nodded.

"I......I love you too." He said, nuzzling into the crook of Steve's neck.

"I know." Steve chuckled. Bucky hit him weakly, pushing away

"You just Han Solo'd me." Bucky pouted.

"You got that reference?" Steve exclaimed.

"Of course I did. Mark Hamill is my father. Bucky said seriously, looking Steve dead in the eye. Steve let out another laugh and pulled Bucky back into his chest.

"Yes he is darling. Yes he is."

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Angst. Then fluff! Is that a good compromise? Feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading and goodbye silver nuggets !