4:27am

Chapter 14

Bucky Barnes was freezing.

It was understandable really. It was bucketing rain, and he was only in a sweater and jeans. But that wasn't the reason he was cold.

Bucky was cold from the inside out. Steve's words were ringing in his head, playing over and over again until Bucky could hear nothing else. 

He clasped his hands over his ears as if to drown out the yelling but he couldn't. He couldn't silence the voice in his head, which was now sounding like Steve.

Bucky tried to focus on where he would go. Clint and Natahsa where out together who knows where, Wanda and Vision were out for there 6 month anniversary, Tony and Bruce were working on a project, Sam was visiting his parents, and Thor was back on Asgard. Great. 

Bucky sighed and walked into the nearest motel. He got a single room and slipped into the bathroom.

He pulled the blade out from his pocket. He twirled it around in his hands, weighing his pros and cons, debating every thing he ever knew, or thought he knew.  

He stayed like that for 10 minutes, just allowing the voice in his head to slowly tear him down, waiting for someone to tell him what to do. 

And Bucky caved. 

He slipped into the shower 5 minutes later, and the water drained red.

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Bucky slipped out the shower, threw on his boxers, which he realized with a start were Steve's, and sat crossed legged on top of of the bed. 

And he broke. He cried until he swore he was out of tears, and then cried more. He cried so many tears he was surprised he wasn't crying out blood. 

He yelled, screamed, pleaded and begged thin air, wishing Steve was in front of him. 

Wishing he had someone to hold and reassure him, but the only who one could do that was Stevie, and he was the reason Buckys thighs were now stinging with fresh cuts.

Bucky  thought about everything Steve said, everything they did together. He grabbed his now dry sweater and threw it on. 

Looking out the window at the rainy night, he realized his body was warm.

But Bucky Barnes was freezing.

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Steve Rogers was burning.

He was down in the Avengers gym, attacking a punching bag like it had killed his family. Sweat ran down his face and his breathing was laboured and deep. The bag ripped and sand poured everywhere. He let out a yell of frustration, which echoed in the empty air.

His face was burning with anger and shame. He had screwed up. He had screwed up so bad. So, so, so, so, bad. Bucky was afraid of him. How could he have said those things? How could he have even thought them? He paced the room, cursing himself at every thing he did.

He sighed and unwrapped his hands. Wincing, he stretched out his fingers and blood started leaking out of the rubbed raw knuckles. 

A thought hit him, as sharp as the pain, but ten times more important, What if Bucky relapsed?

Steve let out another yell and ran his hands through his hair.  He hadn't checked Bucky's scars for weeks. He had been so busy working missions for Fury. Going over it in his head, he realized he'd barley seen Bucky the past month.  

He'd been working non-stop, just so he could get 3 weeks off to take Bucky on a vacation. 

Bucky had been so amazing lately, moving forward with everything hydra did to him, and Steve wanted to show him how proud he was. 

That had blown up in his face so fantastically, he was surprised there was no phsicyal evidence.

He slipped on the ring Bucky had thrown at him. Steve knew he had no right to wear it, not after what he'd done, but he wasn't going to let what they had shared die. Not like this at least. 

With newfound resolve, he stepped out in the night. And he realized something. Even though the night was freezing.

Steve Rogers was burning.

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Ack! I know, day late! I'm sorry, I got a concussion, forgot to publish😬. Hope you liked it, I was proud of the angst. They're a few more chapters of angst coming😊 sorry! Goodbye silver nuggets!