Unraveling Who We Are

7: Immerse

Emery's view

I tried to push myself upwards to break through the surface of the water, but it was no use. The currents were too strong, and every time I felt like I was about to make it to the surface I was pulled under once again. No matter how hard I kicked and thrashed, I kept sinking deeper into the murky, ice cold depths of the lake. I started thinking that this was the end. This was the part where my life was supposed to flash before my eyes before my end. I accepted that there was nothing left to do, my body was heavily damaged and I was beyond exhausted. Everything hurt to the point where I just stopped moving, I didn't want to feel anything at all. It was getting so hard to hold what little breath I had left, my lungs felt as if they were on fire and ready to explode. The moment when everything started fading to black I tried to hold on to one good memory. The memory of a party, where I saw all my friends face for the last time. Where I got to see my mom's face and my brothers, and where I could see Danny's face for the last time ever. I focused on Danny, I wondered if something like this would be his last thoughts too..............

I immediately woke up in bed in a sweaty mess. I was breathing heavily and way to fast so I tried to calm my breathing by slowly breathing in and out to stop the panic attack that's rising. When I think I got a hand on it, I reached over to my night stand to take my panic attacks medication. After 10 minutes, I finally start to calm down, but I'm wide awake. There's no way I can go back to sleep after that dream. It was too much. It hurt too much, but I keep replaying the dream repeatedly in my mind for hours. I don't remember exactly when I drifted off to sleep again, but I know it wasn't that dark out anymore.

My mom gently wakes me up in the morning and tells me I slept through my alarm and that if I don't get up now I'll be late. I groan and push myself out of bed with whatever energy I had left after last night and I quickly eat and wash my teeth and head back to my room to change. I put on blue skinny jeans and an oversized sweatshirt and pull my hood up and head downstairs to take my ADHD and Depression medications. I didn't always have to take depression meds, but after the accident I went through a very rough period and my ADHD got worse too and I later developed panic attacks, but I don't get them as much anymore. This morning was the first time I had one in two months and it drained everything out of me.

I could already tell that today would not be a good day. It didn't help that I was so tired. My eyes hurt and were puffy from all the crying I did last night and my body ached, but I pushed on and headed to school. I just hope that I don't fall asleep in class or have another panic attack.

I just want this day to go by fast. I just want to be done with today already.

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Gracen's view

It's Friday and I'm both happy and super nervous because that means I'm hanging out with Emery tomorrow. Couldn't wait to see her in first period.

The moment I walked into chemistry and directly looked at Emery, I could tell something was off. She's usually on her phone, talking to Clare or spacing out (which she does a lot), but today she has her head laid down on the desk as she looks at her pencil that she's rolling side by side. She has this tired and sad look on her face and it's kind of heartbreaking to see because I'm used to seeing her bright smile all the time. I really want to know if she's ok or not.

Since I got there later than usual I couldn't talk to Emery because the class just started. Throughout the lesson I would glance at Emery and see her dozing off every occasionally, which was not like her. After watching her continue this I had to do something. I have to know what is wrong. I write a little note asking what's wrong and pass it to her.

She looks at me confused and grabs the note. She reads it and looks over at me nodding, but she has this emotionless expression and it doesn't reassure me at all. I'm still so worried.

Later, in math she dozes off again and this time the teacher catches her before I can nudge her awake. The teacher walks over and has a quiet conversation with her. I'm not trying to be noisy, but I hear some of it since I sit next to her.

"Emery stop using your condition as an excuse not to pay attention or to sleep in my class," said the teacher. Wow she seems bitchy, Emery doesn't normally do this in class. Emery gives a sad nod and the teacher goes back to her lesson.

Lunch was even worse. Emery doesn't really try make much conversation today. She doesn't even play around with her brother Aiden, and they always try to mess with each other. However, today Aiden is giving her space and no one is trying to bother her.

After school, I see Emery walk over to Aiden's car, so I try to catch up with her. I have no idea what I'm going to say to her, but I just want to let her know that I'm here for her.

"Hey Emery. I noticed you seemed off today. Is there something wrong? You know I'm here for you," I say.

"I'm fine, Gracen. Don't worry," she replies blankly, but I can't help but think she's lying and keeping something from me.

"Oh okay. I was just making sure," I replied.

"Thank you for doing so. I just didn't get a lot of sleep. But I'll be good for tomorrow," she says giving me a fake half smile.

I'm still suspicious, but I give her a big smile back and tell her I can't wait for tomorrow. If only I could find a way to let her know that it's okay to open up and that I'm here for her. Maybe I can show her that tomorrow.