Unraveling Who We Are

15: Just Great

Emery's view

I really did want to kiss Gracen. I wanted nothing more than that, but what if she didn't. I kept thinking about her all day. I could not do any homework or anything productive. That's the thing that sucks about ADHD. I overthink again and again. I keep getting distracted all the time. The only thing on my mind is Gracen.

The next day, I got up to eat something and take my medication before school. When I went to the cabinet for my medicine, the bottle was empty. Crap I forgot to ask my mom to get the refill prescription. Oh no, this is going to be bad. Me off my ADHD meds is not good. Just great. We'll I got ready anyway and told my mom. On the way to school, Ethan was giving me worried looks because he could tell I was already getting uneasy. Today is going to be a long day. Aiden gave me a reassuring hug as he walked me to 1st period.

I haven't been off my ADHD meds in a while so it's definitely going to be hard to focus today. As I entered class I saw Gracen and she gave me a nervous smile. Right, I'm not sure how it's going to go with her today after what happened yesterday.

My heart starts racing as I make my way to my seat next to her. Wow, she looks beautiful today, that's the only think I'm my mind. Of course I had to make things more awkward then they already were because I blurted out,

"You look pretty toda......hi. How's it going?"

I tried to save myself but it didn't go as planned. Damn the adhd, I can't help being impulsive with it.

"Umm thanks, good. How about you," she replies.

"Oh um same old same old," I said while mentally face palming. Gracen give me an amused look as I sit down and I just lay my head on my desk as class starts. Later on the teacher gives us an assignment, which has confusing directions. I'm trying hard to focus, but I keep listening to the tic toc of the clock, or pencil squeaks or people shuffling their things around. I try to read the directions and questions with no luck. I can feel myself getting really frustrated after 30 mins. I'm barely on question 5 as I look over and see Gracen on 27. Ughh, why can't I just do the damn assignment, why do I have to space out or uncontrollably shake my leg. But that's just the adhd and without my meds I can't help it. The rest of the day goes the same. I can't do anything really productive and I'm having a harder time trying to talk with people.

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Gracen's view

I'm a little worried about Emery to be honest. She seems out of it today, she normally gets things done relatively fast, but not today. Plus she isn't talking to me a whole lot. But I don't know if it's because of yesterday or if she okay or not. Is she sick? Something wrong? Did I do something wrong? All these questions keep bothering me and it isn't until lunch when I decided to talk to her one on one. But she doesn't even give me time to ask her to come talk to me because when she goes in the cafeteria she immediately goes out again. I walk out after her to try to find her. Around the corner I see her pacing back and forth so I call out her name and she turns. I as what's wrong.

"Oh nothing, don't worry about it," she says giving me a forced half smile.

I know something is up, so I decided to push a little bit more. I walk closer and ask,

"Em, you can tell me anything. I can your off today, so what's wrong?"

"Honestly, I didn't have any more adhd medication so yeah I'm off today. Can't focus, can't stop moving, everything bothers me a little, I'm having trouble with having a normal conversation with people today. Everyone is talking so loud and at the same time at lunch and it was too much so I had to take a breather. Yeah I'm also going on and on like right now..." she blurts out fast.

I walk closer to her and embrace her in a hug to stop her from going on. She was mumbling a little in my shoulder before she finally stopped. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her today. It hurts to see her in so much pain. When she finally calms down, I try small talk to get her mind off of it. When the bell rings, we get up. However neither of us realizing we were holding hands. I have no idea when that happened, but I'm glad it did. We both pull our hands away as our faces turn red. There's an awkward small silence before I tell her I'd talk to her after school since I'm going to give her a ride home today.

On the way to my class, I just can't help but feel it's my job to protect Emery. It just feels right when I'm with her and I never want to see anything bad happen to her. I always want to see the adorable smile she gives me daily. I guess you can say I'm just addicted to her presence now and I'd do anything to make her happy.

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Emery's view

Throughout my last two classes I could not concentrate at all. My mind kept replaying moment with Gracen again. She's just so special. I feel safe when I'm with her and she makes me feel sane. She just understands me and never pushes. I want nothing more than to be with her, but I'm scared to try anything. What if she doesn't feel the same way? But what if she does? But at the same time I don't want to drag her into my personal trouble. I have a habit of shutting out people close to me and I don't want to do that to Gracen, but she's so close to me now. Maybe I just need to push away a tiny bit so that I never hurt her or shut her out completely. Which is going to be hard because I like having her close to me.

When Gracen drops me off at home, instead of our usual goodbye hugs I just wave and say bye. I know it might make her a little upset, but I'm trying to spare her feelings for the long run, she can't get to close to me.