The Second Time Around (The Starving Squad #1)

Chapter 26: Revenge Gone Wrong

Short update. Really short.

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Fresia was speechless for a moment. She must admit that she was a bit worried when she saw Leila's picture inside Bullet's wallet. Limang taon na mula nang pumanaw ang ex nito. Akala niya ay hindi pa ito nakaka-move on. Mahirap kalabanin ang nakaraan ng isang tao.

But this reason was new to her. Who does that? You cheat on someone then keep their picture to remind you of your guilt? Who does that?

"You cheated on Leila?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Fresia. She didn't expect Bullet to be perfect. Noong una pa lamang ay inasahan na niyang may masamang parte rin ng pagkatao nito. Wala namang taong perpekto, e.

But a cheater?

"You cheated on your dying girlfriend?" Honestly, she felt a little disgust towards him. Kay Richard nga na hindi niya minahal, sobra-sobrang pagkasuya ang naramdaman niya nang malamang nambababae ito. Kay Bullet pa kayang...

Napailing siya. She could not even begin to imagine how hurt Leila was when she learned about it. Is that why she died too soon? Dinagdagan ba ni Bullet ang sakit na nararamdaman nito noon?

"I didn't cheat on her because I was seduced by another woman. I didn't cheat on Leila because she's dying... if that's what you're thinking about right now," agad nitong depensa.

"Kahit ano pa'ng dahilan mo, mali pa rin ang ginawa mo. Cheating is cheating, Bullet. You can't justify that with anything."

"I was hurt, Fresia. Madalas noong mawala si Leila ng ilang araw. Walang pasabi kung saan sya pupunta. Pati mga magulang nya, hindi sa 'kin sinasabi kung nasaan sya," paliwanag nito. "I've been patient with her. All I wanted was for her to be honest with me. But she didn't want to tell me the truth."

"The truth? The truth that she's dying? Malamang hindi nya sasabihin sa 'yo kasi masasaktan ka!"

"Kahit naman hindi niya sinabi sa 'kin, nasaktan pa rin ako. If lying to me could cure her cancer, I'd let her lie to me forever. But that's not the case," mahinahon nitong sabi. "Leila did not spare me from the hurt. She gave me a different kind of pain, one that made me question our love for each other."

Nakaramdam siya ng kaunting kurot sa puso. Since he put it that way, nag-alangan siyang bigla kung dito lamang ba niya dapat ibunton ang sisi. There are two causes of cheating, in her opinion. The first cause is the problem with one's self. Iyong kahit perpekto na ang karelasyon, kung nature ng tao ang mangaliwa, mangangaliwa pa rin siya kahit kanino siya ipareha.

The second cause is the partner. May mga taong nangangaliwa dahil may pagkukulang ang karelasyon nila. It still isn't right to cheat, but the blame is shared by the couple (in some cases, kasali rin ang mga taong nakapaligid sa kanila).

What Richard did falls on the second cause. May problema rin kasi sa kanya.

"Naghinala ako sa kanya. I thought she was seeing someone else. And when I confronted her, she didn't deny my accusations. Hindi naman ako santo para hindi magalit. Hindi rin ako martir para magtiis."

Punong-puno ng pagsisisi ang mukha nito.

"So that's why you cheated?"

Bullet nodded. "I wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine. I wanted her to feel how much it hurts to be cheated on. And all the while pala, naghihirap sya dahil sa sakit nya."

His voice cracked. Hinawakan niya ang kamay nito. "You don't need to continue."

Umiling ito. "No. I have to tell you this so we can get past this." Humugot ito nang malalim na hininga bago nagpatuloy. "Leila was trying out some natural treatments to cure her cancer. Ayaw niyang magpa-chemo dahil mahahalata ko na may sakit sya. She didn't want to tell me that she's dying because I already lost my mom to cancer.

"Ilang taon pa lamang noon mula nang mamatay si Mama. I was still hurting. Leila provided a temporary relief from the pain. I didn't want to lose her, but I could have been there for her when she needed me the most. Hindi nya ako binigyan ng pagkakataon na alagaan sya."

Inilabas ni Bullet ang litrato ng ex-girlfriend nito.

"I told her that I was cheating on her too. Para lang masaktan ko rin sya kagaya ng pananakit niya sa akin." He let out a hollow laugh. "I was such an asshole, aren't I?"

"You didn't know," she told him.

"I should have known. Dapat hindi ako naniwala sa kanya. Masyado akong nabulag ng galit, ni hindi ko man lang inalam ang totoo. And when I learned about the truth, it was already too late. Her parents finally told me the truth when Leila was hospitalized. They told me that she refused to be treated when we broke up.

"The doctors couldn't do anything to save her because it was already too late. Hinayaan na lamang kami ng mga magulang niyang magbakasyon ng ilang linggo. Hinayaan nila akong bumawi. But a few weeks with her weren't enough. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako nakabawi sa kanya."

Naramdaman niya ang paghigpit ng hawak nito sa mga kamay niya.

"Do you know what she told me before she died?"

She shook her head.

"She told me that she's sorry." He sniffed. Namumula na ang gilid ng mga mata nito. "I was the one who has wronged her, but she's the one who apologized..."

Hinawakan niya ito sa tigkabilang-pisngi. "I'm sure she knows that you're sorry too."

Tinitigan siya nito nang mataman. She could almost see his soul through his eyes, had it not been for the tears that's slowly clouding them. He must still feel awful about it.

Leila's dying days were spent in tears and isolation. He was led to believe that she's seeing another man. Maybe it was to make it easier for him to move on. Ganoon daw kasi. Mas madaling maka-move on kapag galit ka sa isang tao. Anger would want you to leave and stay away.

Leila didn't want to keep him by her side while she's wasting away because she didn't want him to feel the pain of losing someone to cancer all over again. She didn't want him to relive that experience.

She must have thought that it was selfish of her to keep him close.

"You need to let go of your guilt, Bullet. Hindi magugustuhan ni Leila kung hanggang ngayon ay burdened ka pa rin dahil sa nangyari sa kanya. I'm sure she'd want you to be happy again."

If she were Leila, she would have kept him close. Alam niyang ganoon din ang gustong mangyari ni Bullet. Mali pa rin ang ginawa nito, pero may mali rin si Leila. She should not have decided for him.

"I am happy," he replied. He pulled her for a hug. Inayos niya ang pwesto nila para mas kumportable silang dalawa. Because it felt like it would last for while.

Wala silang imikan. She let herself inhale his manly smell, the smell that she's slowly growing to love and get used to. His body was hard. Iyong tipong kapag binangga mo, para ka na ring bumangga sa pader. But it was like a crab's shell. Inside, he's a softie.

"It's been a long time since I've been this happy," she heard him say.

She pulled away and looked at him intently. May lungkot pa rin sa mga mata nito. Hindi yata niya iyon maiaalis dito, kagaya ng picture ni Leila sa wallet nito. It will take time for his wounds to heal and his guilt to go away. But at least he could smile now. At least, he's a little happy.

"I am happy too," she admitted. "First time kong maging ganito kasaya."

In a way, she's glad that she didn't give her heart away the first time.

His smile widened. Iniangat nito ang ulo para abutin ang mga labi niya. She gladly met him halfway.