This Could All Be Yours

5

The next day, Jay and I were lounging around the house. He was reading the newspaper, I on the other hand played with my hoodie strings as I sat in thought.

I had been happy for two years with Jay...but whatever I did, I couldn't get Gerard out of my head. He was always there. His eyes were burned into my brain, always watching me. I felt him close by and not just because he lived next door. I know he thinks about me maybe in more ways than I process in my head, but he was and I could tell.

"Oh! I almost forgot," Jay said, bringing me back to reality. "I got you a present, pumpkin."

"You did?"

"I did." He pulled out a necklace. It had a pumpkin in it.

"A pumpkin!" I smiled up at him.

"You're my little pumpkin," He said, taking it from my hands. "And it works for your birthday." He connected it around my neck.

"I love it! Thank you." I hugged him.

"I also thought since I'm leaving soon -"

"Jay, it's amazing."

***

That night we were in bed, Jay sat up, finishing paying the bills and I laid down playing with my necklace.

"I could help you pack." I said randomly.

"I'm not packing until next Thursday."

"Well you should put all your stuff together before then, then pack on Thursday. Do you even have all of the things you need?"

"As far as what?"

"Well it is getting cold so maybe a jacket, clothes, shoes, socks, underwear...the list goes on, Jay."

"If you help me pack, would you make sure I have all the things I need, my dear?"

"Absolutely. I don't want you to miss your plane because you forgot underwear."

"Like they don't have underwear I can buy in England."

"I'm just saying."

Jay wrapped his arm around me and sighed. "I wish I could take you with me."

"You'd be distracted."

"Would I?"

"Yes. For instance, you were paying the bills before I spoke and now look at you; you can't finish them."

He held a smile as he sighed. "I guess you're right." He rested his head on top of mine. "What are you going to do if I'm gone and that town is still corrupted?"

"Well, I could always invite Mr Way over."

"Are you sure?"

"He seems like a nice guy."

"I don't know, pumpkin. I know Mr Ericsson would love to come by."

I glared at him. "After what happened last time I was near him? I don't think so. Mr Way seemed to enjoy it here. And some company while you're away might be what I need to not be bored."

"I just don't know about Mr Way...he just seems to know so much about things he doesn't have..."

"You're being ridiculous. Mr Way has his own way of seeing things and if that's how he does so, what does it matter to you?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't like the way he looks at you."

"The way he looks at me?" I sat up. "And how does he look at me exactly?"

"He - He just stares at you with those eyes. The look on his face - he wants something."

"Jay, you're being ridiculous! Mr Way looks at me the same way everyone else in our lives looks at me."

"Did you see him at dinner? His eyes were practically feeding on you."

"No, he wasn't."

"Frank -"

"He wasn't. You're too wound up about this. Mr Way wasn't looking at me in any sort of way. Now stop it."

But I knew the look Jay was talking about. But when Gerard looked at me like that, it wasn't because he wanted something. Gerard was giving me a protective look that I refused to recognize or even receive. He usually gave me that look when someone was doing something to me that he didn't quite like or agree with very much.

***

"Sir, you need to stop this. It won't be long before Master Jay finds out." Wallace told me as I stared at the pier in front of Gerard's house.

"I will stop. I just need to figure out what I want and then it will stop."

***

It was a few days before Jay left. We were in the bedroom packing.

"Pumpkin, could you get my dress shoes and my ties?"

"They're in the suitcase for you, darling."

"My shirts?"

"Uhuh."

"Pants?"

"Yep."

"Underwear?"

"All in the bag."

"You're the best." He kissed my cheek. "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you going to be okay here on your own?"

"I won't be on my own. I have Wallace and Bob and even Mr Way."

He made a grumbling sound when I mentioned Mr Way.

"I can have friends too, can't I?"

"Of course, but Mr Way?"

"He's sweet. Anyway, you can't worry about me. Just have fun in England, okay?"

"I'm not going there for fun."

"No, but you're going to be there for five months. Make sure you have a little fun."

"Tell me you won't go to any of his parties?"

"Why not?"

"They're not for you, my dear."

I took a deep breath as my hands formed circles on Jay's chest. "We should go to sleep."

"Frank,"

"I'm really tired." I faked a yawn and laid down, seeing as how I was already ready for bed.

I laid on my side and pretended I was asleep until I knew that Jay was asleep.

"I love Jay. I love Jay. I love Jay." I spoke to myself. "I love Jay. I love Ja-J- Gerard?"

I hummed quietly to myself. "Gerard." I spoke as my eyes slipped shut.