When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 5: The Hill

A week passed since my first chemo treatment, and I'd been so sick for the first two days to the point of staying in bed all day. I even turned Reid and Myra away. I didn't want them to see me this way. The rest of the week was highly uneventful. I was ridiculously tired. I had begun to reserve my energy for only the most important things, like video games with Reid, or working on my essay. I had to finish those essays by next month, or I'd be wait-listed for Columbia and Brown. I burned that mental note into my head.

I'd had three doctors appointments that week, in between the two days I actually got to go to school. I'd told nobody at school yet, because I figured they'd figure out soon enough on their own. I didn't want anyone's pity, although, my mom had emailed my teachers who were told to "take it easy on me". Because it had been a week, it was time for another chemotherapy treatment. They assured me that the frequency of treatments would reduce once they got over "the hill" they called it. "The Hill" was the beginning of cancer treatment where they try really hard at first to prevent it from growing, then they can work on reducing size and zapping tumors and stuff, once they get over the Hill. I was informed that the Hill was very aggressive and would be very exhausting, and they weren't lying.

I sat for hours again for treatment. This time I slept most of the way through. They weren't yet zapping tumors, but they definitely zapped all energy I had. On chemo days, I knew I wouldn't have energy to reserve, so I would try to get anything I needed done the night before. I edited the first three paragraphs of my essay, again, and sent it to Mr. Dr. Faulkner who had agreed to go over it for me. I had three weeks until my in-person interview with Yale. I wanted so badly to get in. I was more nervous about Yale than I was about cancer. You could say my priorities were shifted. The chemo room seemed smaller this time around. The two old ladies, Midge and Nancy, who were leaving during my first treatment were there. They introduced themselves as soon as I sat down. They'd met during chemo treatments. They both had aggressive breast cancers. They looked very uneasy with the fact that I was young.
Nancy had said, "oh bless your little heart. You will feel like you're dying, baby, but you're just getting better."
Midge agreed, she said, "she's right, you know. It always gets worse before it gets better."

This time, Midge and Nancy had treatment at the same time as mine. They talked about their grandkids a lot. Midge's son was a Rhodes' Scholar when he was in school. Now, he worked on Wall Street and had three kids. He lived in Manhattan with his wife who was some sort of editor for a magazine. Nancy had two daughters, one with a brand new baby girl, and they lived in Boston. The other daughter was graduating in the Spring from Columbia. I perked up when I heard that.

"I applied there," I said, and Nancy was thrilled.

"It's a wonderful school full of wonderful people... you will fit right in."

After my treatment, I was a little tired, but Reid came over anyways. Myra's family from out of town was visiting and her parents had banned her from leaving the house. Reid and I ate dinner with my parents and played video games for hours. He'd bought the new Rebel Galaxy game and wanted to try it out. I had to tell him around eight o'clock that I was too tired to keep playing. I felt bad. We usually would hang out until two am, when he'd eventually text his mom and let her know he was staying over, but I needed to sleep. He said he understood, and packed up everything he'd brought and left soon after. I went straight to bed at eight-thirty, frustrated, and I wondered if things would ever be normal again.

    The next Saturday, I woke up around ten and rolled over. To my surprise I didn't feel like puking immediately. When I shook out of my morning daze I realized I had a lot to take care of today. Only two weeks until my interview with Yale. I needed to start making note-cards and reviewing my questions. I wondered if mom would pretend interview me again. I sat up in bed, stretching. I pushed my hair out of my eyes, and that's when I saw it. It was scattered allover my pillow, all on the sheets and floor. Hair. My hair.