When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 44: Graduation

Saturday came too quickly. That morning, I woke up feeling as though it arrived in dizzying speed, my head spinning with it. I sat up and immediately the vertigo had me frozen. I'd sighed out an expletive or two, heading for the shower.
I was weak, weaker than I'd been in a while. I sat on my little old man stool in the bath and let the hot water spin my head even further. I know I looked severely unwell. I dressed myself in khakis and a button up, throwing the blue robe over my clothes. My mom came upstairs and knocked on my door.
"Come in," I'd sighed.
She cracked the door and peeked in.
"Oh, wow, Leo," she whispered, taking in the sight of me in a graduation robe. She had a camera in her hand, and snapped a photo I wasn't ready for.
She came into the room and hugged me, kissing my cheek. Then she turned to the closet and pulled my graduation cords out.
I'd received a few for scholarly endeavors and volunteering. I had a golden stole which said "Valedictorian" on one side and our school's initials on the other, embroidered in royal blue thread. She placed them delicately on my neck, one by one. I gripped the window sill, trying to keep myself upright.
"Wow, Leo, you look amazing. I just can't believe this day has come," she said, fighting back tears.
I closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away. Just let me have this one day...

We'd all hustled to the cars, everyone in their Sunday best. Little Leo was the star of the show, wearing a dark blue pants and a yellow button up, complete with a bow tie. He was getting so big, and sometimes it really surprised me. He was born the same time I'd relapsed. He was a living, breathing reminder of the time that was passing. He was growing while I was decaying. It was June now. He would be a year old soon.

We arrived at the pavilion, complete recently with new floors to replace the flooded ones. It was the only place in town large enough to hold graduation. The annex was empty now, only a few graduates walking around and sitting. Families weren't allowed in yet, only my family and I, because valedictorian was allowed VIPs. I considered the whole thing to be a bit pompous. By the time we walked through the annex and sat down, I was having a hard time breathing. I felt like I couldn't catch a full breath, it was as if I was breathing through a straw. My cheeks were flushed and I was making it no better by panicking.
"Leo, are you okay?" My mother gripped my shoulder, snapping me to attention.
"I... I've been better..." I huffed. She pulled a face and sighed.
"We can leave... you don't have to do this."
But I did. Certainly she knew I had to do this. Not only did I have to do it, I needed to do it for them. Or maybe me. Either way, I wanted to prove that I could handle it.
I reached up and touched her hand with mine.
"No, it's okay. I'm fine."
I attempted a grin to convince her, but I'm not sure if it worked or she was just okay with it at this point.
About forty minutes passed and they started letting families filter in. I kissed my family and headed towards the graduation seats. I saw Myra from a few rows back, she blew a kiss and I winked at her. I could tell she knew something was wrong. She pursed her lips and winked back. Reid and Eno were sitting nearby, too. They shot me thumbs up, and I reciprocated. Soon, the annex was full of people. I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of people and the awful way I was feeling. I closed my eyes in hopes of calming myself down.
Exactly at two, the graduation began. Principal Wheeler took the stage and announced that phones needed to be turned off.
"It's the last time I can tell you no phones!" He laughed, and won a few chuckles from the crowd as well.
I was sitting next to Lily An, my presumptive valedictorian pick, who'd been knocked down to salutatorian because of me. She was quiet and wore a soft smile.
"Congratulations, Leo, you really deserve this," she whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute and then thanked her.
"And now, we have our valedictorian, Leo Hendricks. Leo is a very special young man. Since the beginning of his time here, he has proven himself to be a young man of high moral character and determination. I have watched Leo go from a young, shy, freshman to a confident, polite, and intelligent young man. We are all very proud of you, Leo. Without further ado, let's hear from our valedictorian!" He started clapping so other people in the room would, too. I stood up, knees shaking, and walked up to the stage. I dutifully shook Principal Wheeler's hand, as well as three assistant principals and a superintendent's hands. The crowd erupted, much to my surprise. I hate it when people feign surprise at how popular they are, so believe me when I say that's not the case here. I looked out into the sea of people and spotted the ones I cared about the most. Myra, Reid, my family. They were all I needed. I was speaking directly to them.
I stood behind the podium, my hands shaking uncontrollably. I laid them firmly on the stand, trying to prevent others from noticing.