When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 9: When I Die

                  

When I was around ten years old, my family had taken us out to Nantucket for the week during the summer. Aaron was an angsty, angry teenager and Sam was hardly in the third grade. Hattie hadn't even been born yet. My mom's sister, Aunt Paige and her husband, Uncle Tom met us and split the cost of the huge beach house we'd rented for the week. They brought their two sons, Freddie and Miles with them and all the boys got to share the giant basement bedroom which was full of bunk beds. Freddie was eleven and Miles was almost ten. The entire week was dedicated to just having fun. Aaron even enjoyed himself -- I think, anyways.
We spent our days on Uncle Tom's huge boat, which was pristine white with dark blue accents. Uncle Tom looked out proudly when we picked it up from the dock yards. He'd taken all of us younger boys, myself, Sam, Freddie and Miles. We were bursting with excitement. We stood out on the dock looking at the boat for the first time and he placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "I do think she's the most beautiful girl in the whole world.."
He winked when I cocked my head up at him and added, "besides your aunt, of course." On the way to Nantucket, when my parents thought we were all asleep, I heard my dad whisper to my mom that Uncle Tom was a "grade-A douche-bag". I had no idea what that meant at the time but I tend to agree now.

On the fourth day we were there, my mom and Aunt Paige packed us lunches for the day. They cut off all the crusts of each specially-made sandwich and packed carrots and juice boxes. We set sail at noon.

The water was pretty calm inland, leaving us ill-prepared for what the open sea held for us. We got out to the sea and the waves picked up quite a bit. We weren't particularly worried just yet, although I was starting to feel quite ill from the rocking of the boat. Both Aaron and I were beginning to look quite green. My mom sat on one of the sun-chairs on the back of the boat, and I laid my head in her lap. She ran her hand through my hair and I was dozing off. My cousins were playing by the edge of the boat.
My dad was helping Uncle Tom when the storm rolled in. It started like someone had flipped a switch. The rain was coming down harder than anything I'd ever seen before, in just a matter of moments. We couldn't even see each other through the rain. The waves were rocking intensely and Aaron spewed over the side of the boat. Uncle Tom screamed for help from Aunt Paige. He was trying desperately to pull a rope which was attached to the mast. My mom jumped up and told me to stay very still. She also grabbed Freddie and sat him down beside me and Sam. Aaron was pulling the rope with my Uncle Tom and Aunt Paige. My mom was securing another rope so that the sail wouldn't be torn. Things were flying everywhere, and I wondered if the sea would swallow us whole. Sam grabbed my hand and was crying. Freddie was watching, too, eyes wide. Miles was sitting beside us then, too, when my mom grabbed him and sat him beside us quickly. He clung to me and Sam. We sat there while Uncle Tom tried to tie the mast to the hook. Miles and I saw it at the same time: his dad's watch, which he'd shown off to my father. We knew it was expensive and clearly important to him. It was on the floor which was now flooding with water. And before I could even stop him, Miles ran over to the watch to grab it. He held it in his hand and ran over towards the edge of the boat out of eye-shot of me. I heard it happen: the rope Uncle Tom was pulling snapped, all at once, the mast flew around the pole it was secured to. My entire body froze up, my eyes were wide open and water was smacking me in the face in harsh sprays. Uncle Tom secured the mast after a lot of cursing, and the storm calmed down, only a bit. That's when Aunt Paige asked where Miles was. I will never forget the look on her face when nobody answered. Nobody knew. She and Uncle Tom, and my mom and dad ran around the boat frantically looking. Aaron jumped overboard in a rush, and my mother screamed his name. We waited for what felt like forever for him to resurface and he did, with Miles in his grip. My mother gasped and held Sam and I and Freddie at a distance, she made us cover our eyes. Aunt Paige fell to the ground and sobbed, I know because I heard her.
At some point, while our eyes were closed, Uncle Tom and dad attempted to help Miles. I heard Uncle Tom screaming. I heard Aunt Paige crying, and my mother say, "Oh, Paige, it's okay, he's okay... he's okay". Freddie held his eyes closed the tightest. I know this because I was peeking. Sam was crying, silent crocodile tears. I heard my dad say "fuck". And that was the first time I'd ever even heard that word. Aaron was breathing really hard and my mom asked him if he was okay. He only said, "save him" in reply.
The storm passed completely within thirty minutes or so. My mom had corralled us into the tiny little restroom on the boat, which was under the floor. Sam, Freddie and I sat there, silent. We were afraid of our own voices. We were in there for what felt like forever, but I knew it wasn't even an hour. When we got to come back up, Aaron came to get us. He looked like a changed man. His face was a way I'd never seen it before. We were docked in a marina. We came up from below and my mom grabbed us, Sam and I, and cried, large, long, loud cries. She kissed our faces and hugged Aaron, too. She held Freddie in her arms and with every ounce of love she had, she said, "Oh, Freddie."
Freddie was silent. My dad and mom were on the boat to get us. On land, just in the grassy knoll near the docks, there were at least ten police cars with flashing lights. There were two firetrucks and three ambulances. I felt it might have been a little excessive. Miles just has a concussion, I thought, although I knew this was untrue, deep down beneath my denial. The EMT workers came over to help my parents and my brothers and I off the boat. They wrapped us in silver aluminum-like blankets to get us warm. My mom sat my brothers and I on a park bench beside the ambulances. She took a phone call and walked away from us, giving us instructions to stay seated. It was a very hectic scene. Everything was very loud and confusing, people talking, radios chattering, sirens going, so, so many people. There were people standing behind police tape which was tied to a part of the dock and then to a tree to create a line. Why were these people here? Why were they watching? I turned around at one point and everything seemed to go silent, with the exception of one, loud, long wail, it was Aunt Paige. My Uncle Tom held her and covered his own face with his hand. Coming up from the boat was four EMT workers with a metal gurney. Atop the gurney was a white sheet. At first, I wasn't sure what there was to be so upset over all of a sudden. And that was when I saw it. A hand. A blue hand slipped from under the sheet and hung down, dangling. Aaron snapped at me to turn around. I looked around, I saw all the people gathered in a crowd. I wanted to leave, and I couldn't. I wondered, why are these people here by choice? Aaron saw me staring at the crowd. He stood up, picked up a stick and in a flash, he was screaming. He ran over to the crowd, screaming "get out of here!" He slammed the stick against the trees and against the ground and at one point, I thought he was about to hit a man. The crowd looked surprised. An officer started to grab Aaron, but my father stopped the officer and grabbed Aaron himself. He pulled Aaron into a hug. I couldn't hear what they said to each other, but the crowd began dispersing after my dad turned and spat, "get the fuck outta here! What is wrong with you all?"