When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 18: The Baby

The next day, after Alan's party, I was reminded very bluntly that I was not well.

I was still sick, regardless of the success of the surgery. The day after the party, I slept for so long, my mom came to check if I was breathing. I tried to get up around 6 in the evening, to eat dinner, but I was so weak I couldn't even talk. I laid in bed for three days.

My mom was a worried about me, she scolded me for exerting so much energy. I'd gotten lucky with my treatment. I was so lucky that they'd been able to surgically remove the growth, but my blood was still bad. I had chemo sessions every two weeks and they were starting to exhaust me more and more, so I spent that time after the party on the down low.
Reid and Myra came over almost every night. They brought me school work every day, and I was working to try and keep up. It got to be too much. I couldn't do chemo and school. I had to pick one, and it was going to have to be the one that would hopefully save my life.
Aaron and Lara had come here to have the baby, who was due any day now. My mom was thrilled to have them here, and they thought it would be best to be here since both Lara's families and Aaron's were here. They were also here for Thanksgiving, which was a huge non-issue in our house. We always ordered pizza, but at least we were together.
Lara hobbled around for about three days, and complained about contractions every few hours. Aaron was an absolute nervous wreck. He was still working from his phone and taking calls, on top of monitoring Lara and the baby.

I went in for a chemo treatment that week, and it was a particularly difficult one. I don't know why. I could always tell when I was going to have a hard time with chemo. Usually I was okay, but if I felt off about it going into it, odds were it would be a pretty rough few days afterwards. Midge was there, but Nancy wasn't. I figured at first that she was just using the restroom, or maybe they'd decreased her frequency or changed her appointment. Midge was not wearing her smile, and she wasn't talking.

"Midge... how are you?" I asked, hesitantly.

She looked up, and I knew.

Midge said that Nancy's cancer came back with a vengeance and there was nothing that doctors could do. They kept her for days, but then she and her family decided it was time to "go home".

I'll be honest, it screwed with my head, that Nancy was home. When would I decide it was time to "go home"? I wasn't pushed to that point yet, and I wondered if I ever would be.

I gave Midge a hug and she thanked me, and said that she loved seeing me around. She said she prayed for me every day. Midge was so nice, and I wondered what I did to deserve it.

The day after my chemo treatment, I was sick as I suspected. I had mouth sores now, and they sucked. I could hardly eat anything without biting one on accident, and then my mouth would bleed and bleed and bleed.

The doctors promised that I was doing okay, they assured me and my mom that I didn't need any scans before the next scheduled one, in three weeks. They promised this was all normal side effects.

That evening, we sat around the dinner table and my mom said something like,

"I love seeing us all here together," and then she smiled.

Aaron smiled back, and my dad nodded. I shot a grin. I wasn't feeling like eating. I just stared at my food, it was so unoffensive, just chicken and rice and green beans. I couldn't even think about it. My mouth burned.

"We're glad you have us here, thanks for letting us stay," Aaron said, rubbing Lara's belly, and she smiled as well.

"Leo, how are you feeling, bud?" he asked then.

I looked up, it was the first time they'd even called me into the conversation. I shrugged.

"I'm okay, just not very hungry," I said. I was bummed. I had been feeling so good. After the surgery, the switch was flipped and I felt myself coming back. Why did I feel myself leaving again?