When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 54: Reid

"Just a few more miles and we'll cross into Missouri," Reid said to nobody in particular. In fact, he may have just been comforting himself. He'd clocked almost five hours of driving since taking over from Myra and he was getting restless, of the anxious bouncing of his leg meant anything.
I was trying to remind myself why I'd done this in the first place. It was admittedly pretty stupid. I was away from my family. I was dying.
"That's good," I sighed. My lungs felt heavy. I squinted at a pain in my hip, adjusting in the seat so I was on my side.
"You okay? If you need to hurl, I'll pull over," Reid asked.
"It's fine. Just my hip."
He accepted this, nodding.
We sat in a sad silence for a moment. Reid's leg continued to bounce up and down with anxious energy. Myra was sleeping soundly now, a hoodie pulled over her eyes as she lay across the back seat.
I took the deepest breath I could manage anymore.
"When I was little, I had a cat named Toby," I started, breaking the silence, and Reid looked a bit stunned.
"Yeah?"
I nodded. "My parents had him way before Aaron was even born. He was like, 19 when he died."
Reid glanced at me, obviously unsure what to say or where this was headed.
"That's a long life for a cat, right?" He said.
I nodded.
"He never liked to be pet or cuddled. Like, I mean, he would bite Sam and I when we tried to pet or hold him. But one day, he sat in everyone's lap. He let everyone pet him. He purred even. Then the next day, we couldn't find him," I looked out the window at the nothingness that seemed to go on forever.
"I remember my mom, she screamed his name all morning outside and scoured the neighborhood."
I paused, closing my eyes and bracing a pain in my side.
"Well, what happened to him? Did you find him?"
I nodded.
"That night, our neighbor came over after we were supposed to be asleep. Sam and I were hiding at the top of the stairs playing our Gameboys and our parents were in the living room. Mr. Vaughn told dad that they'd found Toby in their garden. He had walked away to the garden, laid in a bed of flowers, and fell asleep. He never woke up. I guess, he kind of, went away to die, you know? They say animals do that, that they know when it's time."
I'd lost track of what I was saying. I spoke absentmindedly until the end, then I remembered Reid was listening. I leaned my head against the cool window and let it soothe my fevered skin.
Reid didn't look at me this time. He swallowed hard.
"Leo..." he said, his voice wavering only slightly, "is that what we're doing?"
I furrowed my brow at a shooting pain in my hip. I shrugged, then shook my head in an attempt to smooth it over.
"I'm not dead yet. It was just small talk."
He bit his lip, unconvinced. There was another silence as Reid measured his next words carefully.
"Are you afraid, Leo?" He asked, his voice catching, but only slightly. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. I took in a slow breath.
"I'm worried about you guys," I sighed.
"Us? You shouldn't worry about us," he scoffed.
"I am, though. I'm worried about what will happen to you guys. It kills me not knowing."
He cocked his head to the side.
"You're just nosy, that's all. You don't wanna be left out," he joked.
I offered him a genuine laugh.
"Yeah, I guess that's true. You know me, always dying to be the center of attention," he laughed at that, but his laugh caught in his throat at the end, and he swallowed.
"I'm sorry this is happening to you, Leo. I would trade places if I could, and I mean that honestly," he said, his tone now serious and seemingly nervous to glance at me.
"I wouldn't want you to do that, it's just what's happening. There's no point in being upset over it. We can't trade places."
He nodded, "I think people will miss you more than they'd miss me. People won't know what to do without you."
I turned to look at him sharply this time.
"Shut up," I said.
He looked at me, surprised.
"Man, its true," he shrugged, "people love you. You have no idea how important you are to people. You think you blend into the background, but I swear you don't." He shook his head ruefully, as if he was thinking of every single person who would miss me at all.
"It sucks that you won't know, but at your funeral, I guarantee it'll be packed."
I shook my head and leaned it back against the window.
"I just don't want to hurt you guys. I don't want this to be something that, I guess, affects you. I don't want you to be hurt by it."
He blinked.
"Well, I mean, we're going to be affected by it Leo..."
I sighed.
"But," he interjected, "I for one, think I'm much more affected by your life than I will be by your...your death."
The last two words were almost a whisper, words given up in surrender.
I gave him a tired stare. Before I could say anything else, though, he changed the subject.
"Oh, look."
He pointed out the window at a giant "Welcome to Missouri" sign.
"You should try to get some sleep, man. We're stopping in St. Louis, that'll probably take another three hours..." he gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were as white as they could be. I scoffed.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone, Reid," I said, half-laughing at the suggestion.
He glanced over, remaining mindful of the empty road ahead.
It was only then that I noticed his eyes filled with tears.
He shook his head again and blinked, allowing them to fall down his cheeks before he hurriedly swiped at them with his hand. After a long enough pause, he nodded his head.
"You never have before."