The Band I Thought I Knew // Liam Payne {Book 1}

Chapter 17

It feels so empty. It feels so bare in this once small looking apartment. Everything that I owned made this place seem to little but with nothing in it, it's huge again. I've picked up the dining room then move into the kitchen with two giant boxes. I look at all the cups and plates sitting on the counter from my earlier "unpacking" session.

The unpacking meaning that I am getting everything down from the cabinets so I can pack it into boxes. I start to wrap all the glass into the newspaper and put it into the boxes. The plates are first to go in first, surprisingly I get them all into one box.

Then I pack the cups and bowls into the other, then take a plastic bag and put my silverware in it then stuff it in a box. I label the boxes and set them aside for later. I hear a thud from upstairs again and I start toward the steps.

(Kira's POV)

Joey asked me to pack the stuff in his closet. I have taken each article of clothing off the hanger and neatly fold it to fit into the box. I look around the space of his closet and then walk out into his bedroom. So much has happened here, it's all surreal. Him moving away breaks my heart but it must be done. He is really the only best friend I have. Well only best guy friend. I know he wants me to go with him. I want to go but I don't at the same time. I'm absolutely crazy, I want to go so I can see my family, but I don't want to go because I already have so much here and I have a boyfriend now. It's not like my family isn't more important but I just can't do that to Liam.

We just started dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday. I am already leaving the country. I know I sound selfish for not thinking of how much my family were there for me. But I did think of that and that's what I'm afraid of. I think of about everything they will say to me about how I'm still in my fantasy world. Or how this is just something that will have the thrill then die. But I honestly don't think this is what that classifies as.

I feel like it's more than that. I think of how they could possibly judge me if I do go back and they want me to stay and I refuse. I think everything I will be missing if I don't go. Jeremiah's birthday he'll be twelve this coming year. Kierstin's Birthday who's turning eleven, and Morgan's Birthday who will be turning six. Christmas with mom and dad, mom's birthday, dad's birthday, Ashley's birthday, Kessler's birthday, all holidays. I will be missing out on a lot of things.

Before I realize it I'm looking back on my life before England and as I simply glance at the memories in my mind I feel tears rolling down my face. I can't believe I'm doing this. I don't want to feel this way, here again, I want to but I don't want to. It's only been a few months but I miss the warm inviting hugs of my nephews and nieces and all the 'I love you Kira's', all the screaming over stupid little things, all the tears they would shed when they would fall off a bike or scrape a knee. It's all the little things I miss, all the good times, all the memories. I just want to have them with me. I sit down on the floor against the wall. My mind wandering back and forth of the pros and cons of the whole thing.

How could you not go back? How could you put Liam in front of your mother and father. How could you chose him over the two people who have been with you through thick and thin for the past seventeen years. They raised you, they were there for you. And now you want to put Liam in front of them. Or do you? Do you really want to put him in front of them? Are you afraid that they won't accept him so openly and you are afraid that they won't like him. Afraid that if you would take him with you to see your family that they would want someone different or better, if possible.

My eyes start water and I swallow hard. I can't cry, I won't cry over something so stupid. Something happy or funny. I remember the time Kierstin and I got into an argument when we were younger and then we ended up laughing at the stuff we fought over. We used to get so mad at each other and she would say 'I hate you Kira' and I'd say 'I love you anyhow' just to make her mad. I knew that me saying those words made her angry. And I liked to make her mad but I don't get to do that anymore. I wish I could do it again. I would start this year all over again if I could but I know I can't.