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Chapter 45: Out Loud (Pt. 1)

THERE ISN'T A drug you can take that can make you feel this way.

You try to keep calm, forget about it, have a cuppa backstage, ignore the screaming coming from outside, and even manage a couple of laid-back jokes. That is until someone announces there are ten minutes left, you walk through the corridor and stand on your spot, the lights go out and a revolution inside you takes place; a revolution that overshadows the commotion you can hear from the audience only a few meters from you. Increased heart rhythm, sweaty hands, dry mouth, and a continuous leaping stomach. That is only the beginning because the minute you put a foot on stage, the instant you lay your eyes on the public, you feel invincible. Guaranteed, there is no drug you can take that gives you that same high.

Today I go back on tour after almost two years. My solo album was a lot of fun and it did really well but, even when I did a couple of live performances here and there, I didn't feel like properly touring it. Nobody understood why I was so determined and I could make up a number of explanations, from the fact that I felt my album was too intimate for the big venues they were offering me, to the point where I was still extremely tired to even considering touring. Truth is, touring without the lads still didn't feel good. As simple as that.

Liv sighs loudly making me realize I've been lost in my thoughts for way too long. I bring her closer, her skin against mine makes me tingle; I wish I could do something about it, but I still have to pack before we head to London. My right arm envelopes her body, the arm that was almost virgin of tattoos and now is spotted with black ink designs that are mainly dedicated to her. Her birth date, three small lines that symbolize the letter O in morse code, and the word 'Enough' because we ended up being more than enough despite her first doubts. I wonder if there's still a part of me, of my life, that is not consumed by her existence.

I place a kiss on her right shoulder blade before slowly and silently leaving our bed and putting on the pair of boxers that are lying in the middle of the bedroom since last night; she doesn't have to wake up just yet so I figure I'd just let her sleep in.

George raises his head the minute I walk past him in the kitchen and lazily stands up and follows me as I stand in front of the fridge, both our faces lit up while I scan my eyes through it. He lays beside me and quietly hums while resting his head on his paws as I slowly eat some cereal and all of my attention is on reading its box; this dog has become one of my favorite companions these last couple of years.

"Why didn't you wake me up?!" My girlfriend whines as she strides toward me across the kitchen. Her hair is disheveled and her lips plumper than usual; all I want to do is kiss her.

She sits on my lap as if it was the free only surface in the room and circles her arms on my neck, "I wanted to have breakfast with you, it's our anniversary," she says with a pout and I crush my lips with hers without even thinking about it.

"Happy anniversary, love of my entire life," I whisper pressing my forehead to hers, she gifts me with one of those timid smiles that never fail to make me feel fuzzy inside. Even though today every single one of my usual feelings seems stronger.

"Happy anniversary, baby, I love you," she says before softly kissing my cheek.

"Want to take this party upstairs and...help me pack?" Wiggling my eyebrows I try to sound sensual but fail when laughter takes over me.

She chortles loudly and kisses me one more time before standing up, "Come on," she says stretching her arm, intertwining her fingers with mine, and guiding me back upstairs.

I watch Olivia fall and bounce on our bed as soon as we enter the room and it takes everything in me not to pin her underneath me and make all of my fantasies a reality. Instead, I walk into my closet and begin to choose the items that will be in my suitcase for at least two months.