Kill Me

I wanna know

Not now I have feelings for him.

I run for about an hour until I'm somewhere deep in the woods. I don't know exactly where I am. Or.. Actually I'm lost. Great. I sit against a big tree and let the tears stream down my face. Everything that I cropped inside my head for years comes out. I cry for a long time until I don't have any tears left. Why me? Why can't Charlie just take them down. Or Emily, she's a damn rock! Why can't I be like them? Why do I need to be so sensitive? Why do I need to like Calum? Why can't I just like Dylan? Why can't I just take Calum down?
All questions. No answers.
I sigh and wipe away my tears. Let's just find our way back. I begin to walk around. After an hour I give up. It's getting dark. I walk to a big tree and climb in it. Just in case there're wolves here.
I almost drift off to sleep when I hear someone scream my name. My heart lits up. He searched for me. When I jump down the tree, I see other faces than I expected. I see my gang. Dean, Charlie, Emily.. And Dylan.
"Lana.." Charlie says while she hugs me.
I thankfully hug her back.
"Why are you guys here?" I ask.
"Emily saw you run away from Calum's house. What happened?" Dean asks.
"Oh nothing much.."
"Lana, you need to tell us everything now we have the chance to speak." He says.
I sigh.
"How much did Dylan told you?" I ask.
"About how everything was fine and that you got in. That Calum likes you."
"Okay, well..." I look at Dylan for a second.
"It's true that Calum likes me and uhh... We kinda have something now, but I ran away after Luke wanted me to tell things about you. They're planning on taking you down. All of you."
"Lana, that's great! That Calum likes you I mean, but I may hope that that relationship is just to let them trust you faster.."
"Yeah, I still need to puke every time I see him." I lie.
"Good. Anything else?"
"Uhh.. Nope, that was everything." I think.
"Good. Now, just follow that direction and you'll be out of the woods in no time. We'll follow after an hour." He says.
I turn around and begin to walk without looking back.


As promised, I'm out of the woods in a hour. I walk back to Calum's house. When I'm for the front door I sigh nervous. What if he's mad? What if he wants me to leave?
I knock on the door and I hear running. In a second, Calum opens the door. When he sees me, his eyes show relief. He hugs me tight and I'm shocked for a moment. Then I hug him back and begin to cry.
"I'm so sorry Calum."
"Ssshhh, the most important thing is that you're back." He whispers.
I sigh and let him go. He lays a hand on my cheek and looks at me. He kisses me softly and smiles.
"I'm was so worried." He lays his forehead against mine.
"But we only have something for a few hours." I smile while I close my eyes.
"But I have a crush on you for 3 years."
I look at him.
"I'm serious!" He says.
I still don't know what to say. I'm feeling guilty again. I mean, when they trust me enough, I need to take them down and he just said that he has a crush on me for over 3 years!
"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He says while he takes my hand.
He leads me upstairs and laces our fingers. I want to pull my hand out of his, but I can't. It's like it's glued to his hand. He leads me to my room closes the door behind me.
"You go shower, I'll grab some towels and clean clothes." He kisses my forehead while he lets me go and walks away.
I walk into the little bathroom and undress myself. I turn on the water and jump into the shower. After a few minutes I hear the door crack open.
"I've some towels for ya, I don't know sure if you like these clothes tho."
I turn my head out of the shower and he holds the clothes up.
"They're fine." I smile.
"Okay, I'll just lay them here." He lays them on the little counter that stands there.
"Thanks." I say and he nods his head. He smiles and walks out of the door.

After 30 minutes I turn off the water and step out. I dry and dress myself. When I'm done I walk out with my still wet hair hanging sloppy around my shoulders. I decide to let it air dry and walk downstairs. I just wanted to walk into the living room when I remember what happened earlier. I immediately walk upstairs again. I don't wanna see them yet. I can't.
When I close the bedroom door behind me, my phone starts ringing. I pick up without looking who's calling me.

"Hello?" I ask, not really caring.
"Hey gurl." I hear Charlie say.
"Why do you call me? If someone hears you I'm dead, literally." I whisper-shout into the phone.
"I was just checking how you're doing."
"I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine."
"I am fine."
"Don't lie to me. I saw you with Calum."
"What? When?"
"When you were standing in the door. Dean gave me orders to follow you, just in case."
"What did you saw exactly?" I ask insecure.
"How he hugged you when he opened the door. How you started crying. How he kissed you. I heard and saw everything."
"I was acting." I whisper softly, hoping that no one could hear me now.
"I've seen you acting and I've seen you really crying, I know the difference. You were really crying this time."
"So what if I was?!"
"That's not my problem, but make sure Dean doesn't find out. If he finds out that I'm helping you, I'm dead too."
"It's okay, I'll take care of that."
"Good. Now go."
"Okay, thanks Charlie." I smile.
"No problem girl, good luck."
"same to you."

I hang up the phone and sigh. I open my door to see if anyone was listening, but no one is there. Well, let's face the total awkwardness. I walk downstairs and open the door to the living room. Most people are gone now, but there are still a few left. They all turn their heads to me. Okay, Lana, remember, no shame. I'm a rock.
I walk, without looking at anyone, to the kitchen.
I grab some water and take a sip. I ignore everyone.
"Lana?" I hear someone ask.
I turn around and see Calum behind me.
"yeah?" I ask, taking another sip.
"I..I just wanna know if you.... If you want to go out with me tonight?" He asks, scratching his neck.
Okay, I'm done. I wanna go what's going on right now.
I take his hand and walk upstairs. I go to my room and lock the door behind us.
"Okay, I wanna know what's going on right now!" I say while I stand in front of him.
"What?"
"Why you're acting so nice to me!"
"I told you! I like you!"
"But you've always been crappy to me and now you're suddenly Mr. Lovebirds?!"
"Dean would kill me if I told it to you! Literally."
"Oh C'mon, since when are you afraid of Dean?"
"Since he killed my best friend!"