The Littlest Things

Umaga

I woke up to the sound of his breathing. It was slow and deep and punctuated by his snoring, and it was the first thing that made me smile that day. I wouldn't dare tell this to Mama or anyone in my family, but I love waking up next to DJ. There's pleasure in seeing him on my bed, knowing that he felt safe enough to sleep beside me the night before, and then waking up and seeing him in his most unguarded, most open, most peaceful moment. In most mornings, when DJ sleeps over, my family sees us come down for breakfast together, and they're probably so used to it by now because no one bats an eye or asks questions anymore.

They know we sleep better holding each other at night.

I still wouldn't so casually tell them that this is one of my favorite things in the world, though. (It would be too awkward!!!) But I doubt it still needs to be said. DJ makes me happy and they know it.

There was faint light coming in from outside the window and my room seemed extra quiet. I inched closer to DJ, resting my arm across his chest and rubbing my nose against his jaw, and I smiled again because he felt nice and warm and perfect for my morning. He was still sleeping soundly so I grabbed that chance to stare at his face like the creep girlfriend that I am. Starting from his perfect hair, my eyes travelled down to his long perfect lashes to his perfect nose to his soft perfect lips up to the perfect, perfect, perfect mole on his perfect jaw. I gently kissed it just because I couldn't help myself (and because he wasn't awake to tease me about it), and I smiled again because beside him I felt perfect.

There were a few minutes left before my usual prep time for the day's work schedule, so I scooted closer to DJ, filling up every space available, and I did it with just the right amount of careful, torn between wanting to let him rest and wanting to wake him up to make out with him.

"Deej," I finally gave in and whispered.

His forehead creased a little but he did not wake up. My uninhibited just-woke-up self felt a twinge of disappointment at that but I shook the feeling off. I'd get my kiss later, I thought.

I decided to get out of bed and start preparing for the day, but just when I was about to pull myself away from him, his hand suddenly emerged from underneath the blanket, catching me off-guard, and pulled me closer. He locked me in his arms and legs and our limbs tangled together, and in an instant, I got hyperaware that I'm in bed with a 5 feet, 10 inches of all-male, all-amazing, all-surprising human being, and even after four years, the full realization of it was still overwhelming.

God, I wanted him to kiss me so bad.

But then, DJ started snoring again. I sighed and pouted (and accepted the fact that I wasn't getting my make-out-with-DJ wish that morning, haha) before I untangled our arms and legs and prepared for the day's work.

***

When I got out of the shower, DJ's eyes were still closed but he wasn't snoring anymore, so I knew he was already half-awake.

"Bal, wake up na."

He just shifted position and reached for my pillow to hug it. From where I was standing, he looked like the young, 2012 Daniel that I fell in love with. I had a sudden urge to go back to bed with him but I fought it. Scheduled work first, Kath. #Babetime later.

"Baliii, wake up. Hindi sasama sa'kin si Mama today, so I have to go na." No response. "I can't be late sa photo shoot. And you know how I don't want her to think na di ko kaya alone," I told him in between drying my hair and putting some lip balm on.

DJ didn't answer, so I just continued fixing my hair and ignored the sleeping guy on my bed. After doing my hair, I went through the contents of my bag and realized some things were missing. I must have forgotten to put them inside the bag the night before, so I frantically searched the bedroom for the missing stuff. I didn't want to ask Mama for help. I wanted to prove myself to her. And maybe, at the back of my mind, I also wanted to prove myself to other people.