Running From History

02. only the beginning

I spent the few hours between lunch and my parents' early dinner time unpacking and taking down posters in an attempt to make my teenage bedroom look a little more grown up. I finished unpacking my one suitcase I'd brought with me relatively quickly, I had given away or sold anything that I hadn't considered a necessity. It was weird to hang my clothes in the closet alongside my prom dress. So much had changed since then and yet I still felt like the same girl who had worn that blue dress almost seven years ago. I couldn't help but think back to that night, how happy I had been, how at the end of the night I had whispered unsure into the dark "We'll be ok you and me right?" It had felt like everything was ending, like we would never be those two wild and carefree kids again.

"We'll be more than fine Gin" he had whispered back so confident and sure, "This is only the beginning." It had only been the beginning but I'm not sure that either of us were fine.

"I talked to June down at The Ladybird the other day and she said she could have a job for you" my mom said as we sat down for dinner. I groaned internally, home not even a whole day and already she was meddling. My mom was only trying to help, I knew that now, but her constant need to interfere, to be involved, had only led me to rebel against everything she had tried to do for me when I was younger. I had been a difficult teenager, I knew that, and I was a disappointment now so I tried to keep my tone light and positive when I replied so I wouldn't hurt her feelings.

"Thanks Mom," I started carefully, "But I was working as a barista I don't really know anything about working in a bakery."

"That's the thing!" she was really excited now, "June just got one of those fancy espresso things and she probably needs your help!"

I sighed, I was embarrassed to be back as a failure, in a town where everyone knew my history and no one would be surprised that wild and flighty Ginny had flunked out of college and if I worked at The Ladybird everyone would find out sooner rather than later. If I had the choice I would never leave the house so that no one knew I was back; gossip in this town ran faster than wildfire. Unfortunately I couldn't work out a reason not to take the job, I needed the money, I refused to depend on my parents for any longer than I had to. "I'll give June a call tomorrow" I said dully and my mother practically beamed at her green beans.

It was strange that night to go to bed in my old room. So much had happened since the last time I'd lived here and yet it almost felt like I hadn't done anything at all. I was acutely aware that the boy I'd given my whole heart to so many years ago was in the house right across the street. A part of me didn't want to see him. I wondered if he'd still be angry with me, or if he even thought of me at all. Being so close I couldn't get him out of my head. I'd never quite gotten over the boy I'd left behind but now being within walking distance of him again made the pain raw like the day I'd left. Open again were the wounds I'd inflicted on myself by leaving him and by thinking of the pain I had caused him and the pain of knowing that he hated me. I'd had to make him hate me it was the only way he would have let me leave and I had thought that I was doing what was best for him.

I couldn't help but peak out my bedroom curtains after I had turned my light out and see if I could catch a glimpse of him but the house across the street remained dark. I hoped he was ok. I couldn't even fathom how he could be in that house, in the home of the single mother who had raised him, the mother he had adored, knowing she would never come home again.