Ginny Carney has been running since she was 17; running from the small town that stifled her, from her 'wild child' reputation, and from the boy she left behind. Now 25 Ginny finds herself a college dropout with no job, no boyfriend and forced to m...
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I threw my hands up to my mouth and stared at him terrified and wide-eyed. I hadn't meant to say that. The words hung in the air and echoed around the room, I could hear myself saying it over and over again like a broken record, "I was pregnant." This wasn't the way I had meant to tell him, I'd meant to tell him years ago but not now, not right after the death of his mother, not when he'd completely fallen off the deep end; I could not have said it at a worse time.
"What?" he said stupefied and looked down as if I could somehow still be pregnant seven years later. "What..." he trailed off again and then his face hardened, "What did you do Gin?" he said dully and now it was my turn to look confused, "What did you do Ginny?" he said louder, angrier. I realized then what it must look like to him for me to be here seven years later with no child in sight, it must have looked like I had 'taken care of it.'
"Cliff I didn't-" I started but he cut me off,
"You didn't what? You didn't think I had a say? Had a right to even know?" He got up and angrily faced and looked down at me, "Did you think I wouldn't care? Did you think at all?"
"She died!" I yelled emotions overcoming me and that shut him up. "I didn't have an abortion Cliff" my voice cracked and tears came to my eyes, "She came too early, she wasn't strong enough, I wasn't strong enough," I barely held back a sob, "She died." The tears overwhelmed me and Miles sat back down and put an arm around my shoulders as if he didn't know what else to do.
"I'm sorry Ginny" he said and pulled me against him, "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked and I could hear the raw emotion and confusion in his voice. I shrugged slightly and shifted out from under his arm so I could face him and I held my hands in my lap and curled my legs underneath me making myself as small as I could.
"I didn't tell anyone" I started, I'd kept this secret for so long that all my instincts were screaming at me to shut up, "To this day my parents still don't know."
"But why Gin? You didn't have to do this alone." I sighed at his words. It had all made sense in my 17 year old brain but I thought to say it out loud now would sound silly, stupid, and I already felt so guilty. I was sure he wouldn't understand.
"I think at first I was in denial, and then I was scared. I'd always said I didn't want to end up stuck here, I didn't want to be one of those small town girls who got pregnant and got married too young and ended up with no idea what the world outside the four walls of their tiny house was like." I tried to explain,
"Would that have been so bad though? To end up here with me?" He said quietly and I shook my head. No, it wouldn't have been so bad. It was something I thought about all the time, how different everything could have been, how I would give up anything to have never left this small town and to still have my baby girl. "So you ran away" he stated bluntly.
"I ran away." I said quietly, "I thought somehow if I started school and everything before she came I would have a chance." I paused and Miles didn't say anything he just sighed, "I changed my mind" I continued quietly, "When I found out I was having a girl I changed my mind. I kept picturing a little girl with tiny little braids in my head and I remembered how much you struggled that one time you tried to braid my hair. I actually dialled your number to tell you to start practicing but then I remembered that you didn't know. That's when I realized I was being stupid, that I needed help and I wanted you to be there. I booked a flight home, I thought it was something you should hear in person but then everything went wrong and..." I got choked up again, "It all happened so fast and she was so tiny and they wouldn't even let me hold her" I lost it at that and he pulled me against him again and made soothing noises in my ear, "I didn't know how to tell you about her only to tell you that I'd lost her. I'm so sorry." All the emotions I had spent so long burying were being brought back to the surface and it was like losing everything all over again. I was her mom I was supposed to protect her and I hadn't been able to save her, hadn't been strong enough for her, and that guilt ate me up every single day.
"What did you name her?" he asked hesitantly,
"Katie, well Kathleen, for your mom"
"Oh" he breathed and now he was tearing up too.
"I'm so sorry she never knew" I sobbed
"I'm sorry you went through all this alone" he said and wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back taking comfort in his solid presence, something I could have used seven years ago.
"You're not mad?" I asked my voice quiet. I'd held on to it for so long, never finding the right time to tell him until it had been so long that it felt too late and all I could do was hold on to the heartbreak and try to bury the guilt. I thought he would be mad that I'd never told him, mad that he'd missed her funeral, and a deeper darker part of me thought that he would blame me for loosing her.
"Nothing I can do about it now" he said softly although I thought he was probably feeling more than he was saying, "I wish I'd known. I wish I'd known her."
"Me too" I said and he kissed me on the top of the head. I lifted my head to face him so close that I could feel his breath on my face. He moved slightly, hesitantly, his lips just barely ghosting over mine.
"I'm sorry" I whispered and he lightly pressed his lips to mine, "I'm sorry" I whispered again and then I was kissing him back as he pulled me into his lap.
Author's note: Hello! I'm back! I'm so sorry it's taken so long I've been away again and internet has been very slow at best and then of course it was the holidays and the days just got away from me. I hope you all had a good Christmas/holidays ❤️
More and more is being revealed about Ginny's past and there's still a few twists and turns to come for her.. Let me know what you think! See you soon 😘
