Ginny Carney has been running since she was 17; running from the small town that stifled her, from her 'wild child' reputation, and from the boy she left behind. Now 25 Ginny finds herself a college dropout with no job, no boyfriend and forced to m...
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When I woke up in the morning Miles was gone. I felt terrible. I found the glass of water on the bedside table and started taking small sips. My mouth was incredibly dry but any time I took a sip I felt like I was going to be sick. I got up and rummaged through his drawers until I found a hoodie. I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and it overwhelmed me and I left the hood up as I wandered downstairs to find Miles. I found him sitting on the couch in front of the TV under a blanket; he looked exhausted like he hadn't slept much. I sat on a chair facing the TV and curled my legs up under me. Miles turned to look at me but didn't say anything. He pushed a half full mug of coffee across the coffee table and I picked it up and took a smalls sip.
"I'm ready to let you explain" I said quietly. Miles took a deep breath and turned off the TV. I hadn't noticed it last night but he didn't look good, he looked exhausted and drained and broken all over again.
"I would have told you sooner if I'd thought I'd ever see her again" He started and I had to work really hard not to roll my eyes, "Melly was a baby when we met-"
"What?" I interrupted,
"Melly, the little girl, she's not mine" He sighed, "I met Lucia when Melly was a baby; the father had left them and I think we were both lonely so it worked for a while," He paused but I didn't speak, I was going to let him finish. "We weren't happy, I'm not sure if we ever were, but it felt like I couldn't leave her, if I did I would never see Melly again. I'm not her dad, I have no rights. On paper I should have been happy?" He paused and ran his hand through his hair, "Work was going great, I was living with my beautiful girlfriend and helping to raise her precious daughter; everything was on track but I wasn't happy. There was something missing, I felt empty." He paused again and looked down and I yearned to touch him, to reach out to him, I could understand all too well how he felt. "I started drinking" He said quietly still looking at the floor as if he was too ashamed to meet my eye, "Me and Lucia fought all the time and eventually she left, cut all ties, and that was it" He shrugged.
"Do you still feel like that? Empty?" I asked quietly. I didn't know what to say, I had been so wrong about so many things.
"That week with you was the closest to happy I've been in a long time" He said and I felt the anxiety rise in my chest.
"That's ... a lot of pressure on me" I said slowly, I didn't know if I could handle having another person's happiness that dependant on me.
"I don't mean it to be" He said quietly with a shrug,
"I know" I replied because I really didn't know what else to say, I knew he was just being honest. The truth was he was right; when we were good we brought out the best in each other but when it fell apart it exploded in a way that neither of us could handle and I wasn't sure that it was the healthiest situation to be in.
"Are you still angry with me?" He asked quietly and he almost looked shy and I hadn't ever seen him look like that at me before. I found it disarmingly adorable.
"There's not really any reason for me to be is there?" I smirked, realistically he hadn't done anything wrong but it was hard for me to just switch those intense feelings off.
"I should have told you" He offered but he couldn't have known that she would show up and I felt like I couldn't blame him for not bringing up an ex-girlfriend when we weren't even together.
"It's not like we were together" I shrugged trying to keep things light because I had over reacted, "We were just hooking up right?" My voice cracked suddenly with emotion but I wasn't sure why, it probably had something to do with how hungover I was.
"It was never like that for me" He said his voice deep and serious, he almost sounded angry, "Was it like that for you?"
"No" I whispered, now I was the one feeling shy.
"Come on" He cocked his head at me, "Come give me a cuddle ... please"
"I couldn't help but smile as I unfolded myself from the chair, put the now cold coffee down, and curled up against him under the blanked on the couch.
"You OK?" He asked and I knew he was probably just referring to the hangover or the mess that I'd been last night but I couldn't help but answer honestly,
"I'm not happy Cliff" I said, I felt like I couldn't say it above a whisper, like I was having a hard time admitting it even to myself. He didn't say anything but he squeezed me a little tighter for a second. "I think in some way or another I've loved you and will always love you but I can't base my happiness, my whole life, on just us. You know what I mean?" I stretched my neck to look up at him.
"Yeah I know what you mean" He said softly and kissed me gently on the forehead. I snuggled into him and hugged an arm around his waist. He was still Cliff and unfortunately he probably could have done something way worse and I would have forgiven him. I wasn't sure I wanted to jump back into bed with him or anything but this was comfortable.
"I need to figure out what I want to do" I mumbled,
"Not today though" He said sleepily and reached for the TV remote,
"No, not today."
Author's note:
You're probably tired of hearing this (if anyone's still reading) but I really am so sorry it's been so long since my last update! Life caught up with me a little bit and I honestly got a little uninspired.
If anyone is still reading I would love to hear what you think! I'm glad we've finally got everything out in the open so maybe Ginny and Miles can finally be happy? Or are they both just too self destructive for their own good?
I'm going to try my very hardest to not leave too long between updates, talk to you soon ♥️
