Ginny Carney has been running since she was 17; running from the small town that stifled her, from her 'wild child' reputation, and from the boy she left behind. Now 25 Ginny finds herself a college dropout with no job, no boyfriend and forced to m...
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I didn't feel like I could call Beth about this time. I felt guilty. Guilty for talking to him when I probably shouldn't have, guilty for telling him I loved him. It was selfish of me to take advantage of his drunken state to get close to him when it was probably only making things worse for him. I think it was probably the guilt that made me bring a brownie home from work and leave it in a paper bag on his front porch.
Something changed between us after that. I didn't think he hated me any less but he tolerated me. For the rest of that week if he came home too drunk to unlock his front door, or if Kenny forgot to leave Miles with his house key, he would let me use the spare key (which was now on my key ring) to open the door. If I wasn't awake he would throw things at my window until I got up. I let him guide any conversation so we didn't talk much. I think he just needed someone to be there who wouldn't judge him or try to lecture him so I tried to be that for him no matter how worried I was about his drinking.
Every day for the rest of that week I would bring something left over from the bakery and leave it on his porch. I wanted to leave something more substantial, like a full meal, but I didn't want to overstep and make him take away the little contact he was giving me. Selfishly I needed him and I would do anything to keep him close by. I didn't tell anyone about what was going on. I knew Beth would think it was unhealthy for both of us and I knew June would want to intervene and get Miles some help, which to be fair he probably needed. I'm sure my parents knew something was going on but neither of them said anything.
Sunday night was the worst I'd seen him. I barely slept anymore because I was always waiting up to make sure he got home safe. That night he was obviously too far gone to even walk home; a car pulled up and Miles got out, the car drove away, and then he stumbled and fell onto the grass and didn't get up. I sighed and pulled on an old school hoodie I found in my drawer and went outside. He was lying on his back with his eyes closed but he cracked open an eye when he heard me approach.
"What are you doing down there?" I asked as I stood over him.
"'S all spinning" he slurred and then closed his eyes again.
"Don't you want to go inside?" I asked gently and he shook his head spreading his arm wide as if he was trying to make a snow angel.
"No brownies today" he said and he actually pouted.
"I don't work on weekends" I replied and he groaned, "Come on, let's go inside" I said and reached for one of his hands and used all my strength to try and pull him up even though he was much taller and much stronger than me. I got him up and he slumped against me, I put an arm around his waist and tried to support his weight.
"Ginny" he whined and turned his face into my neck, "You're all I've got" he stumbled and pulled us both off balance for a second, "Isn't that sad?"
"I get it ok Miles? I was terrible to you, I know." I was getting frustrated watching him drink his life away and I was getting frustrated with him treating me like the bad guy.
"I'm sorry" he slurred, too close to my face and then he planted a sloppy drunk kiss on my cheek. I felt myself stiffen and I tried to distance my face from his. I didn't want that, not like this. I got him in the front door and left him in the hall while I went to the kitchen to get him some water.
"Drink this" I handed him the glass. The house hadn't changed at all since the last time I'd been in it except Miles had turned all the pictures on the mantle face down.
"You're wearing my sweater" he mumbled and I looked down at the old faded sweater, was it his? I thought I'd had my own but I couldn't remember now. "It's ok," he said softly, "You can keep it" and for a second he sounded like the Miles I remembered, like my Cliff.
"Let's get you upstairs" I sighed and half pushed, half dragged him up the stairs and into bed in what used to be the guest room. When I placed a new glass of water on the side table he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bed.
"Stay" he said, his eyes pleading and for a second I could see the pain he was trying so hard to drown, "Please Ginny, I need you." My heart shattered and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay, not when he was this drunk, this vulnerable, not when there was a chance he would wake up in the morning and hate me again. I sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed his dark curly hair out of his face,
"I can't" I said and his brow furrowed,
"Yes you can" he said desperately and it took everything in me to get up and disentangle my hand from his.
"Drink the water" I said lamely and I turned to leave,
"Why'd you go Gin?" he whispered
"Ask me again when you're sober."
Author's note:
Another Saturday, another chapter! Hope you're all having a good weekend and I hope you enjoy the chapter! Don't forget to leave me and comments/opinions/theories 😊
