Remade (After Mockingjay Story)

Chapter 12 - Guilt

Peeta

"So, Mr. Mellark, is it true I have a reason to believe you had been ignoring the medication we've provided to help you?"

I say nothing. They already know everything I've done; they just want me to tell them so they know I'm aware of it. I am, but they don't understand that I don't want to recount everything wrong thing I did. They won't trust me ever again, they'll never let me leave this place again. I stare at the folded hands in Dr Aurelius' lap as he shifts in his seat.

"Mr. Mellark, I think I've seen a pattern. One that leads you straight to recovery, or what you would call, normalcy."

"I'm not taking that stuff again, it messed with my mind, it made me see all those things."

"It wasn't the medication Peeta, it was you."

My eyes jerk up from his hands to his face. I don't respond.

"It was because you didn't take the medication. That stuff needs to run its full course in order to work, and if you abruptly stop in the middle of it, side effects will occur. It's a very strong medication, made to expel the remaining tracker jacker venom that is still in you. That venom will keep doing things to you if you don't get rid of it, and the side effects of not taking the medication will only enhance it. Look, this pattern I've seen is something I had expected, your best treatment isn't in this medicine, it isn't even here in the facility, it's that connection you have with Katniss. You must be wondering how I know this, just believe me, I have outside sources."

Greasy Sae, Haymitch, they must've been talking to him as well.

"You won't get better here Peeta. You can only get better there, with her. She's struggling without you, and that seems to be the only thing you care about. Just promise me you will take the medication as instructed. If this ever happens again, you would be considered dangerous, and we would have to keep you here. You can get through this, you can only get through the horrors if you don't keep them locked away inside your head. You've been through more than a seventeen-year-old should ever go through, but you have to remember that you're not alone. Focus on the good things, and they'll distract you from the bad."
-
After two weeks, I was released from the facility for the second time. I was surprised, after everything I did, they put me on a train without even a guard. I thought of how I'd left, crazy with hijacked anger, then unconscious for the rest of the way. I'd been furious at Katniss; I remember her terrified face when she looked at me. I clench my fists; I never want that to happen ever again. I'd tried so hard to stay away from her, but that was my mistake from the start. When I was with her I'd felt better than any other time I'd been living there. I feel awful for how I must've made her feel with my craziness. Will she ever forgive me? Maybe Dr. Aurelius was wrong for sending me back, why would she still want to be around me after I attacked her?
The train was stopping, I headed to the exit. When I stepped out, I noticed more buildings being built at the bases. I walked past the tents and piles of wood to the edge of the forest where it leads me to the Victor's Village. I hadn't thought about where I was going to go once I arrived, but I find myself right at Katniss' front door. I'm hesitant before finally knocking on the nicely painted wood. After a few moments, it swings open. Katniss stands on the other side, staring at me with the same widened eyes that I'd last seen before I'd been taken away. Then she leaps forward and tackles me with a hug. My arms uselessly hang to my sides as I'm abruptly shocked by her reaction.

"I'm so sorry Katniss." I whisper into her hair, then I finally hug her back.

"No, I'm sorry." She whispers back.

I pull away. "You're sorry? I attacked you. I wasn't thinking straight, whatever I said to you after that happened doesn't matter."

"You can say that but it doesn't make the guilt go away."