| Censored |

4.3

//He.//

While everyone's bored

you are scribbling anxiously with your pen

They say you're an artist

and although I never saw your creations

I see the way your fingers grip the pen

and how they alone
already perform a dance

(You are an artist)

So delicate and firm.

Everyone's bored

but my attention is fixed on you

I can't tell if your body language
is directed towards me

The pen hits the ground and your hands tremble

you  don't pick it up

neither do I

The way you shift in your chair
makes you look out of place

Is it me?

I observe

but don't know how to interpret

You pick on your hair
then on your nails

and I can see

the art you made
on your wrist

It's ugly

it contrasts everything about you

but it's old

Maybe you've always felt things
too deeply

you seem so well adjusted

as if now

you've learned how to play
with those wild emotions of yours.

I want to know how you learnt it

Life doesn't seem to be good to you

yet, you are good to everyone

and your attention

is directed towards people

not technology;

Is it directed towards me?

In between love 
and obsession
lies a fine line

And I hate that this
might mean
I'm mentally ill;

I never used drugs

but if being off them
feels like being off of you

then I never will

For I envy everyone
who gets to be close to you

everyone who gets to speak to you

everyone who gets to cross your thoughts

Why not me?

I'm a coward

and I drink

and I mess up

and I talk too much when I like someone

I'm superficial

but I want to dive deep

Get to the edge of my own sanity

just to show you
even my darkest parts

because you are an artist

and I know that

you think people are masterpieces.