Void

Ch. 18- Blame

"Stupid to speak of blame when the wills of the immortals are involved." ~Jacqueline Carey

Chapter Eighteen- Blame

August 6th 3012, 7:00am

Yesterday’s news had spread throughout the resistance.  The overall mood was shock and confusion.  I chose to stay in my room; it just seemed like the best option.  I needed  to stay out of everyone’s way.  How did they feel about me now?  Were they sympathetic knowing that voids were just pawns in a larger plan?  Were they angry knowing that the country was going to be at war with god only knows how many more nations?

I couldn’t figure out what the United States had done that could have been bad enough to get the entire world pissed at us.  What if it wasn’t the entire world?  Did we have allies?  Would NATO still be in effect?  I had never been taught anything about it, the only reason I knew it existed was because I read.  Canada?  Mexico?  Belize?  Costa Rica?  El Salvador?  Guatemala?  Nicaragua?  Panama?  We were all in North America together, so doesn’t it make since that we would be allies.  I mean we had to be, what would happen if a void went over into that country or someone entered into ours?  The airlines had been shut down but that didn’t mean the voids wouldn’t spread.  So what did that leave against us?  All of the Caribbean, Africa, the Middle East, Europe, Australasia, South America.  Great, so basically it was the United States against the other superpowers: Brazil, China, the European Union, Russia, and India.  That is, if all alliances are thrown out of the window.

Would they use the Monroe Doctrine?  Western hemisphere against the eastern.  Would North Korea be on board with us?  Would that help us?  Did I want the help?  I didn’t care but I knew what the resistance members would want.  This is a war of voids versus humans for us, and that was one war the American resistance members wouldn’t mind losing to any country.  Were the others wondering the same things I was?

What could the U.S. have done?  Why couldn’t I figure this out?  Not even as a void did this whole thing make sense.  Nothing was adding up.  There was something I were missing.  That one little thing could be the one fact that unraveled the whole theory.

Suddenly my thoughts took a hard left turn.  Jaxon.  How would he take the news?  Something told me he would be just as confused as I was.  I thought about how my feelings for him had developed.  My..."love" for him had developed quickly.  Love was a confusing emotion.  It seemed after Jaxon left my "love" for him had grown even more.  How could that happen?  He was gone, so why was my...affection continuing to develop?  Shouldn't it have stopped?  Given, it did stop when I was a void.  Everything stopped when I was a void, emotionally that is.

It was so strange, becoming a void.  It was like everything works but nothing matters.  Like I'm watching the earth move and these events are occurring all around me, but none of them have any meaning.  Like life without color or music without words.  There was nothing to relate to.  There was no meaning or desire.  I guess that didn't matter though.

Without Jaxon, the Danny that could feel was empty.  Even when I wasn't a void, I somehow was, just in a different way.  Colors weren't as bright.  Sounds weren't as beautiful or melodic, instead they were loud sirens that continuously assaulted my ears.  How could that be?  My memory stretched to something I had read many years ago.  ...the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air—look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire—why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors.  What a piece of work is a man!  How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty!  In form and moving how express and admirable!  In action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god!  The beauty of the world.  The paragon of animals.  And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?  Man delights not me.  My memory supplied the text from some long forgotten source.  That was exactly how I was feeling.  I was surrounded by all these events but none of them meant anything.  The revelation about the war, the resistance group coming together, everyone mourning Josh's death. They meant nothing to me.