Void

Ch. 22- Bond

"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you."  ~Cassandra Clare

Chapter Twenty-Two

August 9th 3012, 9:00am

Magnets don't begin to compare to the pull between Jaxon and I.  Attraction seems like too obvious of a word.  Love, too simple, too common, even to my void ears.  Nothing is enough, and no amount of time together could ever be too much.  Everything I ever read or wondered about never even came close to the feeling that coursed through me every time I saw Jaxon.  Being with him was a constant high, like I had taken too many pills and every emotion was intensified so much that everything felt great.

The look in his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking, the lingering glances, the complete and utter content I felt when I was with him all hinted to the way I felt about him.  Like we were something more than just two separate people.  Everything I could remember from before Jaxon paled in comparison to when he was with me and imagining being without him made me feel sick.  With him, it was like I had no past, and without him, I would have no future.

I love him.  It was as simple as that.  He is anything and everything I could ever want, and I love him.  Admitting that was easy.  There was no pang in my chest that told me I was lying.  I could look him in the eyes and say it with full-fledged conviction.

I listened to songs on his Ipod--after he charged it using the generator in the kitchen, something I'm sure Leon wouldn't be too happy to discover-- in search of a song that would explain how I feel about him, but nothing came close.

Jaxon and me.  The words brought flashes of images.  Him teasing me in my room, pulling me aside in the cafeteria for brief kisses and conversations, lying side by side on the roof, in his room asking pointless questions while he doodled on my arm, running to him when he came home, dancing on the roof, rescuing me.  Saving me.  He had saved me.  Not just from Daniel, but from myself.  When I was so convinced that I had killed Josh--even to the point that I thought I would go mad from the guilt--he was the one who convinced me I was innocent.  When he told me about wanting to be a void, I wasn't overjoyed, I was worried for him.

He was there when I needed him.  When I first woke up from the experiment, he was there.  He was terrified that something would happen to me and since then he has continued to be there for me.  When Daniel attacked me, Jaxon was the first person I thought to call.  He was the only one I wanted to protect me and there in my room he was the one who helped me.  He was the one who wiped away the blood, he was the one that held me, he was the one that fought for me.

I needed him.  It was like needing air.  I need air.  I need water.  I need food.  I need Jaxon.  It was that natural.  That simple.  It was so beautifully terrifying that I couldn't help but want to feel like this forever.  Admitting it was like having my world shift around me.  Like suddenly it wasn't me that mattered, it was us.  Saying it out loud only solidified the feelings I had been experiencing since I first met him.  The flitting in my stomach, the flustered words, the strange mix of emotions, the sparks and dull humming he created within me, they were so...bittersweet.  To be able to feel something so amazing, only to have it end.  That was the hellish part of our relationship.

He made me want to be more than I was, but he gave me the hope to wish to be something more.  The risks of Brantley's experimentation's no longer mattered.  The only thing that mattered was that Jaxon and I could be together.

"Earth to Danny."  Jaxon's voice brought me back.  His sparkling blue eyes and sweet pale face came back into focus.  A smile lit up his face and made my heart swell.  "Where do you want to sit?"  He asked with a laugh evident on his lips and in his tone.