Grapes Bridges and Stars

Chapter 21

Thursday evening, I started packing my clothes. We were leaving Friday morning. After I was done packing, I sat and really thought about what was about to happen.

What would she be like? Would she hate me when she saw me? Would she beg for forgiveness? What did she look like now? And what would I say to her? Should I ask why she tried to drown me? I shuddered at the thought of having those questions answered. 

My mother had shown me some pictures of what my grandmother looked like in her 20's through her 50s. She was really pretty. She had that hourglass figure that women killed themselves for. Her lips were full and shaped like a heart and she had long, curly hair. 

"She loved red lipstick," my mother had mentioned. Looking at her pictures you wouldn't guess she was going to do what she did.

I heard a knock on my door frame. I looked up to find my mother standing in my doorway.

"You fully packed?" She asked. "Yeah."

"I see the nervousness in your face," she said, "but who wouldn't be." She sat next to me on my bed.

"I am nervous," I admitted.  

We sat in a comfortable silence. We were in our own thoughts. Mine were scary. I knew I was over exaggerating but I imagined her chocking me right after she would say hi. 

"You know, the first thing that came out when I saw her was, 'why?' She just looked at me like she didn't know what I was talking about. That made me so mad." Her face scrunched in anger as she recalled the memory. It quickly smoothed back out.

"Then, she told me she loved me and missed me. You too."

She loved me? Loves me?

"She's gotten better, Liberty. Don't be afraid. Her issue back then was drugs. She's gotten the help she needs."

"But, what do I say to her?"

"Hi."

***

I was the first one up in the morning. It was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I made us all breakfast. My parents came down with our bags.

"We need to be there by twelve," my mother said. I went to sleep halfway there.

When we got into town, we went to the hotel first to drop off our things. The facility was about 30 minutes away from the hotel. I hated how far it was because we had already been in the car for about six hours. 

We pulled up to a short, but long, white building. I stared at it. I was in disbelief that I was actually about to meet my grandmother. For a second, I was hoping this was all a big joke and they would say, "sorry, there's no Maybelline Addams here," and I'd have to go home. That is not what happened.

"Liberty, come on," my father said. I realized I had been staring at the building longer than intended.

We walked in. There were some people in wheelchairs and a lot of them stared at me. There was a woman, possibly in her 50s, sitting in a corner staring out of the window. I wondered why she was here.

"Mary, Jacob!" The woman behind the front desk said excitedly. "Back so early! It's good to see you though." Her name tag said Mertle.

My father pushed me forward.

"This is our daughter, Liberty." Mertle's eyes widened. 

"So, you told her." Wow, even Mertle knew I didn't know.

Mertle handed my father and mother some passes. She handed me a pass too.

All of a sudden, there was a loud scream. The lady that was in the corner was now fighting against some workers.

"Annie! Annie! Calm down!" A nurse said softly but panicky. Now, I was really afraid of what my grandmother would be like. How will I get myself out of this if she acts like that?

We walked down a long, wide hallway. We turned left, then turned right. It seemed like a long walk and I was honestly grateful. Then, we finally walked into a room. In front of the door read, "Sitting Area". 

We walked over to a round table where a lady with long, dark-brown hair was sitting. She had some bags under her eyes, but her eyes were speaking peace. She was talking to a gray-haired lady.

The brown haired lady stood up when she saw my parents and I. Well, she didn't really notice my parents, she just stared at me. I stared back unsure what was going to happen next, but I was sure of who she was. She looked to be in her mid-forties. She walked toward me slowly. I braced myself. I didn't realize I was breathing so hard. She stuck out her hand.

"I'm Maybelline, your grandmother," she said with such a bright smile. I couldn't help but smile back; her smile was contagious. 

"Hi, I'm Liberty," I said shyly.

"I know, I could tell by your eyes," which she stared intensely into. "Come and sit!" She said heading back to the round table.

I sat down awkwardly not sure of what to do or say. After hi, I had nothing.

"The pictures they show me don't do you justice. So, you're 17," she said still smiling. 

"Yes, ma'am."

"It's been a long time." I wasn't sure if she meant it's been a long time since she tried to drown me, or a long time she's been in this shell.

"I heard you graduate this year."

"I did a week ago." She nodded with sorrow and regret apparent in her eyes.

"I wish I could've gone." We sat in silence for a minute. It was not comfortable. I really wanted to find something to say to break the awkwardness. Luckily, my mother knew just what to say as always.

"Mama, Liberty likes to write."

"She does?" Maybelline looked so excited to hear that.

"Well, what do you write?" She asked me. She was very interested, I could tell.

"Um... I usually write poems, but sometimes short stories."

"I used to write poetry. The poems were always about love and happiness," she said that with a bit of disgust. I wondered what made her feel so disgusted with love and happiness, and why she stopped writing about it.

"How long do you guys have?" She asked my parents. 

"30 minutes today, an hour tomorrow," my father said. It was the first time he's talked since we got in the room.

"Oh, good! I wanted to give Liberty something."

She walked over to a guard. I was guessing to ask if she could leave to retrieve whatever she was giving me. I felt trapped thinking of having to constantly tell someone where I'm going all the time. 

She came back with a pillow. She had it hugged against her chest. She flipped it around and I saw a heart sewn into it. Around the heart was my name.

"They finally let me use a needle," she said. I could tell she was embarrassed.

I took it from her. "Thank you, this is really nice."

She looked so happy. She was kind of adorable. The way she smiled and clasped her tiny hands together. She was really small. She was like an elderly big kid if that made sense. 

"Oh! You wear the necklace!" She said suddenly. She reached out to touch my necklace, then stopped and pulled her hand back quickly as if she'd get burned.

"Sorry," she said quietly. "It's fine," I assured her.

"Well, I'm happy you still wear it. I gave it to your mother the second time she came to see me. It was to show my love and apology."

I began to think, maybe she wasn't so bad. I was scared, but really she was just a petite older lady who messed up. I could see the sorrow, hurt, but love in her eyes. I liked her. She was not bad at all.