complicated | bellarke

eleven | i almost lost you

CLARKE:

Okay, he's allowed to sleep, but I'm worried he's not going to wake up. The knife is out, and I've stitched and bandaged him up, but I'm still concerned.

"Clarke, you did it," I hear my mom say, interrupting my thoughts.

I forgot she was still here.

"Yeah, I think he's going to be okay," I say, holding back tears.

"I'm so proud of you," she tells me. "I know your dad would be, too."

That's it. I can't take it any more. I stand up and go to the radio.

"Don't talk about him," I say, shakily.

"Clarke?" she asks, confused. "Baby, I know something else is wrong. Please tell me what it is."

I pause, letting the tears slip down my face. "Dad's dead because of you," I cry.

I hear a small gasp from the radio, but she doesn't say anything, so I retell her the whole story, as if she doesn't already know it. I haven't let this out to anyone, I've been holding it in. She just triggered all of pent up anger in me, and I can't stop it from coming out.

"Clarke, that wasn't supposed to happen." She's crying, too. "Jaha was supposed to talk him out of it."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore," I say, turning off the radio before she can respond.

I sit back down on the chair next to Bellamy, and the tears keep coming. I lost my dad, and it's all my mom's fault. How will I ever be okay?

"Clarke?" I hear Bellamy ask.

I flip my head away from him and try to wipe away all of the tears. "Yeah?" I reply, in a muffled voice.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

I turn toward him. "Nothing, nothing," I say. "All that matters is that you're okay."

He tries to sit up. "Clarke..." he says, under his breath.

"Bellamy, you were almost dead," I tell him. I don't want to cry again but at this point, it's not something I have much control over. "I almost lost you."

"You didn't lose me," he says. "You're never going to lose me."

He's fully upright now, so I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close. I don't know why, I just had to. He waits a moment before he's hugging me, too, holding my lower back. We just stay like that, and it feels like an understanding between us, that we need each other.

Suddenly, we hear the drop ship door open. I realize that our embrace might be seen as a compromising position, so I back off of him and meet his eyes. I had never seen how beautiful they really were.

"Clarke," I hear Finn say. I turn around. "Is everything okay?" he asks, stepping forward.

"Bellamy was injured," I say, looking back at Bellamy, who is avoiding my gaze. "He's okay now."

"I heard about the Grounder," Finn says. "Where is he?"

"I don't know what happened with the Grounder," I realize.

Finn and I both look to Bellamy.

"He was with Octavia," Bellamy replies. "And I wanted her to leave him and come back to camp, and somehow I was threatening him with a gun. I accidentally shot his leg then he stabbed me. People from camp came and I told them to take him back here. I would assume he's upstairs. We're going to interrogate him."

"What?" I cry. "Bellamy, that's not a good idea."

"The Grounders are going to attack us once they figure out he's gone," Finn adds.

"He was with Octavia. She cares about him. That means she could've told him anything about us. We deserve the same," Bellamy says, his face expressionless.

"Bellamy, no," I tell him, putting my hand on his.

He pulls it away. "It's done, Clarke."