Nightwalker

Chapter Fifty-Five

It was strange after my break down. The memories and pain faded but were never far away. Every time I closed my eyes I would remember and every now and then pain laced through my body. But there was a constant absence of emotions and thoughts that I could barely get myself to reply to anyone who spoke to me.

We stayed a further two weeks in the fairy realm helping them to rebuild it, well everyone else did, I didn't leave the room because I didn't want to see the damage I caused and face the people I would have killed.

What hurts me most is that Athena is hesitant to come near me and I haven't seen Narga since that fight where I was captured and Sylvia since she somehow hit me when I nearly killed Athena. I don't blame them. They're probably ashamed, or disgusted, or they just hate me now and want nothing to do with me...

I sighed as I sat on the bed feeling empty inside besides for the constant feeling of love coming from Beatrice through the mating bond. She hasn't let up or given up on trying to comfort me and it makes me feel worse because I don't think I deserve it, but it also makes me unbelievably happy knowing and feeling that she's always there, thinking about and loving me even with everything I've done... Wrapping my mind in that warmth she was giving me could almost push away my self hate and disgust, but sometimes it just wasn't enough.

Throughout the two weeks I've felt myself have really good days where I could go out of the room, eat something and could even stand a little blood, but the bad days were there too. I wouldn't leave the room, I hated anyone that stepped inside it, memories forced their way through Beatrice's warmth and soon I felt empty, cold and that everyone would be better, happy, if I just died. Sadly, the good days were far few between and the bad days were most common.

Today was ,thankfully, a good day where, though I felt cold and empty still, the feeling of Beatrice being constantly around me was making me feel content with how things are. A knock at the door makes me jump and my heart beat quicken before the familiar scent of my Mate came to me and I relaxed slightly.

I stood up off of the bed and went to the door to open it. Beatrice smiled at me and I sighed almost happily when I felt her love pulse down the bond. I could even return the smile with a shaky one of my own, which I could see made her extremely happy.

"Good morning Vaden, how did you sleep?" She asked softly and stepped into the room when I stepped back allowing her in. I closed the door behind her and kept my back pressed to it as I watched her.

"I didn't..." I mumbled while turning my gaze to the ground embarrassedly.

"That's okay, it's a good thing we don't necessarily need it then huh?" She replied smiling at me and even stepped a bit closer to me. It made my heart quicken and the urge to just pull her to me to feel her skin, her warmth and just her closeness that's not just on a psychic scale, had my fingers twitching. I crossed my arms around my stomach and clenched my hands into my sleeping shirt to stop them twitching.

She took another step towards me, slowly, cautiously like she was approaching a wounded animal, which I suppose she was. I haven't allowed anyone really close to me since I woke up. I could feel the need for physical contact with another living thing becoming a large needed thing inside me. I never knew how important skin contact with someone else, was such a needed thing to help me feel grounded to the world.

One last step had Beatrice close enough to me that her warm skin felt like it was burning me and I could feel her breath on my face. One more step and we'll be chest to chest and finally touching.

"How are you feeling today?" Beatrice whispered like she didn't want to disturb me and make me pull away from her.

"I-I-It's a good day." I managed to stutter out, her closeness messing with my ability to concentrate and think. Two weeks is too long since I've touched her, felt a touch.