Behind Wild Eyes

Chapter 31

A/N: Okay, so I haven't uploaded in an extremely long time, and honestly, it's probably going to be like this between most chapters.

Warning: this chapter may be graphic and triggering for some people... Proceed with caution.

      After I stopped bawling like a baby, Christian helped me to compose myself, and took me into the bathroom to help me clean up my tear stained face. 

   "Are you sure you're okay, baby?" He asked, worry thick in his voice.

"I'm okay," I forced a smile.

He gave me a knowing look, and patted my back.

"Come on, let's go take a walk."

 We laced our fingers and onward to the lake it was.

********

        Later that night after the boys returned and everyone settled down, Christian and I escaped to our room. I layed in his arms, warm and safe.

   I sighed in the darkness, not able to get my thoughts to quiet long enough for me to fall asleep. 

"What's wrong, hun?"

"Nothing.."

  A tear slipped from my eye, and I felt absolutely terrible about it. Who was I to ruin this trip for him? 

"You know you can tell me anything, Hailey..."

"It's nothing, Christian... I'm not going to ruin your trip anymore. It's selfish of me. I just need to keep my mouth shut from now on..."

"Don't say that, Hailey... I can't stand knowing that you're hurting.. I want to help..."

"Christian, I'm okay..." 

I twisted myself, and placed a kiss on his warm lips.

"I love you... More than anything in the world..." I murmured as i turned my entire body towards him and sunk my face in his chest.

"I love you too.. And you know that... You're my world, and I want you to be happy..."

  I lost it. 

I sobbed harder than I ever had before.

My cries rang through the quiet room, and I knew they could hear me out there. I just couldn't seem to return the pain to its hiding place in my head to silence myself...

"Baby, baby it's okay... shh, you're going to be okay.." He said frantically, stroking my hair.

He held onto me so tight, and pulled me closer still. 

"D-d-d-don't.... l-l-leave me-e!"I wailed, pressing my face to his chest.

"I'm right here, hun. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you. I've got you..." He soothed me.

The sheer pain surged through me, and I could feel it physically as I clutched my chest.

"Oh-h, g-g-god. It h-hurts!" I sobbed, my voice breaking.

"What hurts, baby? Tell me what hurts..."

But he knew what I meant. 

I tried to pull myself up. My head was dizzy with tears, and I wobbled slightly on weak legs. 

"Were are you going?" he asked, grabbing my arm, and coming to stand behind me.

"I-I-I... I need a m-m-minute..." 

"Okay..."

I drunkenly made my way to the connected bathroom, and shut the door, turning the lock silently. A million things continued to run through my head, and I just needed them to shut up. I couldn't even hear what they were saying anymore. 'You're a failure, Hailey' , 'Selfish, so selfish', 'This is exactly why dad beat you. This is why he wanted you dead. Why he had tried to kill you.'

  I had promised myself I wouldn't do what I was about to do for the first time in a long time ever again... I had promised myself for the good of my brothers. This would kill them...

    But I couldn't take this pain. I had to relieve it somehow...

I stumbled to the medicine cabinet above the sink, and pulled out a new disposable shaving razor. I attempted to pull the blades out, bloodying my hands badly in the process. After fiddling with it for awhile, I gave up, little droplets of blood all over the floor from my fingers, and grabbed a towel and the small hand mirror.

I wrapped the mirror, and smashed it against the counter top, the towel muffling the sound almost completely.

"Hailey? Are you okay in there?" Christian knocked outside the door.

"Y-y-yeah.. I.. I'm f-fine."

I unwrapped the mirror, and grabbed a shard of the broken glass.

I stared at it; captivated. The pale white light from the vanity reflected off the surface, cascading rainbows on the wall. Beautiful. I dug the shard deep in my forearm, dragging across the skin. Blood poured from the gash, rolling over my skin and onto the floor in rivers.

I made another one. And another. 

Until I could barely hold the piece of glass in my hand anymore. It clattered to the tile.

"Hailey?? What was that? Hailey, open the door!"

I couldn't respond. Black dots danced across my vision, and the room spun. I could barely feel my knees underneath of me where I sat.

That's when Christian started banging frantically on the door.

Suddenly, I heard wood splintering, and the latch broke.

"Oh my god."

I felt warm hands on me, pulling me.

Cloth on my arm, and words being spoken. I couldn't comprehend.

"Hailey, Hailey why... Why did you do this?" His voice was filled with tears as he held me, rocking me back and forth, kissing my cheek, my forehead, my hair... Occasionally yelling for my mom, or someone, anyone to come help.

"It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay..." he whispered in my ear, still frantically rocking me. 

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I heard footsteps running into the bathroom where I layed limp in his arms. 

More hands on me. The sound of numbers being dialed on a phone.

And then, sirens outside, in what felt like seconds. 

I was being lifted suddenly.

The only thing I could see was Christian. His face stained with tears, still beautiful. So beautiful.

And, before I slipped into darkness, I heard one last faint whisper, "I love you... Forever..."