State Of Mind | sm + cc

:Five:

             "What's been going on, Shawn?" Camila's hand rubbed my back as we both sat hip to hip on the plush bed. How do I tell her? She'll think I'm completely crazy.

"I'm not crazy." I mumbled my words.

"I know, but what's been happening? Who's they?"

"My old therapist told me that."

"Told you what?"

My eyes were just globs of tears on my face now. If I reveal what kind of freak I am, she'll hate me. She'll think I'm crazy.

"She said I have schizophrenia or whatever." Mumbling my words is just a habit of mine now. I wasn't sure if I wanted to make eye contact with her or not, but I did anyway. Her eyes locked with mine when I turned my head to her direction. She didn't look surprised, or pitiful. She looked at me the same way she did when she came home and before her vacation. She didn't look at me differently at all.

She intertwined our hands and rested her head onto my shoulder. I could feel every breath she made. They were soft and silent, just like her.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I really didn't mean it." I lifted our hands up and kissed her knuckle.
"I know you didn't. It's alright. Can I tell you something?" She peculiarly asked. "Yeah."

"I've been noticing it lately."

"...How?"

"I can hear you talking to yourself sometimes."

"That's not what schizophrenia is at all!"

"Ok, ok."

"... I'm sorry. I think I'm losing my temper, because I've been bottling everything up inside."

"It's alright."

I sighed. "I don't want to hurt you again." My eyebrows twitched. "You won't." She spoke without hesitation and lots of confidence. "How do you know?" I questioned her 'authority.' "I just know you won't. You love me... and I love you."

I smiled at her petiteness and the fact that she cares for me so. Why does she even care for me after I hurt her? Or even after that episode I just had?