State Of Mind | sm + cc

:Thirteen:

                  Running out of the embarrassment filled building, tears burned down my cheeks. I can't even handle everything that is happening to me right now. I spotted Camila walking down the sidewalk with her arms crossed. I only saw her back, so I couldn't see her face and tell whether or not she was crying.

"Camila!" I called her name out into the stupidly humid night. She continued to walk forward with stubbornness dragging along behind her. I caught up to her and forced her to turn around and face me. "Camila..." I mumbled to her. Her eyes were locked on the ground, tearing up. I didn't know what to say. The one person in this cruel and loud world I love doesn't even want to be with me. My breath became heavy.

"I'm sorry, Shawn. I just... I just need some space right now." Cracking broke through her voice. "Can you at least tell me why?" Car lights beamed by us every 10 seconds. "You don't really want to marry me, Shawn."  She couldn't keep any eye contact with me during the duration of my confrontation. "What? Of course I do! That's why I bought this ring for you." I tried to hold her hand in one, but she snatched it away from my grasp.

"A ring won't fix any of our problems! You're only proposing to try and make things better. How do you think this will fix anything? It doesn't fix... us. "

"I... love you..."

"You know that I love you too, but the only reason you did this was to make this relationship spark again."

"I... I did this... because I-"

"Love you. Yes, I know. Are you hearing me? You may not realize it, but I do. You just need to open your eyes, Shawn. And please don't blame schizophrenia on this. This i
doesn't have anything to do with that."

Yes it does.

She turned around and began to walk away from me. I had to think whether or not I really wanted to go after her.

"Where are you going to go?" I shouted out to her. "Home." Her heels clacked against the concrete farther and farther away from me and the car we both rode in. Quickly catching up to her, I grabbed her hand and placed my car keys into the palm of her right hand. She stopped and looked at me with a confused look in her eyes.

"I don't want you to have to walk home. Take the car." I mumbled to her. Again, I always go back for the sake of her own good. "Thanks..." she mouthed as she walked in the opposite direction of me. "I'll see you at the house." I whispered to her, hoping she didn't hear. "Okay..." she silently responded.