we don't talk anymore

white fence

I missed the bus.

While i'm walking home I pass Josh's house as I walk down the cracked sidewalk. I look up and it's different. A window has a crack in the glass. I look in his backyard, his pool is still up, but there's a new white fence around it, closing the immediate entrance from his backyard to the forest we went to all the time when we were growing up. I don't like it.

I wonder if his father ever finished the treehouse, before we seperated he started building one but Josh said he gave up on it. His mom's old car is parked in the driveway, but there's a dent in the side. his mailbox is beat up and the number stickers are peeling off. his grass is dry and a shade of greeny-yellow. the flowers that used to be on the front porch are gone or dead. I don't hear his dog barking, considering when anyone passed the house he would. everything is different. his garage is open and the only thing inside is a black car I don't recognize and a few skateboards. no scooters, no toolboxes, nothing.

I keep walking.

I step over the crack in the sidewalk, the one I tripped over and Josh gave me a grape popsicle. his mom gave me a bandaid and cleaned my cut and I instantly felt better. I look across the street and see a 'for sale' sign on the house. I sigh and keep walking, my eyes fixated on the beat up sidewalk. I put in my headphones and turn on my music.

I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding, and keep walking.

|-/

I walk through my front door and up the stairs. I open the door to my bedroom as I throw my backpack onto the floor, not caring about the books I brought home.

that night I lay awake in my bed, on my back staring at my ceiling. I was watching my fan go in slow circles and see dark shadows creeping around my room due to the moonlight shining through my open window. I stand, walk over to my window and before I close it, lean on the ledge and look out. I see stars scattered all over and a bright, full moon, it all looks like a painted canvas. a cold breeze of wind blows into my room and causes a shiver to run down my spine and goosebumps to rise all over my arms.

I take myself out of my daze and close the window. I sigh, and run my hands over my face and cup the back of my neck. I look up and glare at the ceiling fan, as if it's mocking me.

I can't get Josh out of my mind. I can't forget about the memories we had and the monsters we fought. I can't forget about how he always laughed at my sarcastic humor, or how his eyes squinted when he smiled, or how his bright his small were.

fuck.

fuck.

fuck.

get out of my head.

get out.

I pace back and forth in my bedroom. I look at my piano and microphone, my bed, ceiling fan, anything. anything to distract me from him.

10 minutes pass and I can't seem to get tired. I sigh, throw on my hoodie and grab my pair of sneakers. I quietly sneak out of the house and walk down the street. I hear crickets and the crunching of the fall leaves under my feet. I stuff my hands into the pockets of my sweatshirt (A/N: AND YOU CAN WEAR MY...i hate myself ok bye).

after walking in the cold for a few minutes, I find the dirt road not many people see, unless you really look for it. I push past a large branch and walk down the path, leading me to the forest I knew too well.