we don't talk anymore

weekly visit.

"so tyler, how are you?" my therapist asks.

"i'm fine."

"what did you do this week?" he asks, tapping his pen against his notepad and crossing one leg in front of the other. i look at my hands, they're shaking so i rub them together and fold them.

"nothing." i state, simply.

"any word from josh?" he asks me. my head shoots up. i look at him, with warning eyes.

"no. it's been 3 years since he said a word to me." i mumble. dr. morton looks at me, eyebrows furrowed and chewing on his bottom lip.

"okay."

"yeah."

"you miss him?"

"not at all."

"hm."

"what's hm?" i ask, starting to get mad. my voice has a hint of anger in it, and he hears it. he chuckles and shakes his head, writing something down.

"what's so funny?"

"you don't tell anyone anything do you?" he asks, folding his hands together. he's right. i don't tell anyone what's going on between me and josh, me and my dark thoughts, anything. i only tell amelia how i'm feeling in one word and that's it. she knows i don't like talking about it and she respects that, unlike dr. morton. he pressures you to get answers out of you and doesn't stop. he keeps asking whether repeatedly or every now and then he brings it up. he always manages to get an answer out of you.

i haven't opened up to anyone since josh left. the last year of our friendship is when my depression and anxiety really hit me. i wouldn't want to leave my bed, i wouldn't want to go outside, i wouldn't want to even write music. i only wanted to cry to josh.

i blame myself for why he's gone now sometimes. how i scared him away or how he just got bored and tired of me constantly crying or ranting to him. we didn't fight monsters anymore, we didn't color, we didn't talk outside of school because i never left my room. we were different. we were sad teenagers with happy faces.

i felt better about a month before josh left.

and when he did i was numb. i cared, of course. it hurt, a lot. i cried a lot, too. but mostly, i just stared at my wall and did nothing. my mom got even more scared than before so she finally called a therapist and here i am.

"no. why would i? everyone leaves." i snap at him.

"not everyone." he replies, calmly.

"yes. everyone does. josh left, my dad, my brothers, you'll leave too. you'll get a different job, we won't need anymore sessions, or we won't be able to afford your sessions. everyone leaves." i tell him.

he scribbles in his notepad and looks at the clock on the wall.

"we'll talk more next week."

i sigh and stomp out of the room , slamming the door shut behind me and walk out of the building.

A/N: hihihi alright so i'm on my phone and thank god i have a few other chapters as drafts. anyways, as you all know, my laptop is screwed up and it's probably going to be a little while until i can write more chapters. but i have two more chapters as drafts right now ready to go up so you'll get those soon! anyways, thank you so much for reading and sticking with me and my fic while my laptop isnt working. you guys mean a lot to me thank you to whoever reads this and votes:) have a good day!