Good Riddance

Chapter 12

Lying alone in the hotel's room. The bright light coming from the hanging lamp was burning my eyes, which were all in tears, so everything that I looked was foggy.  All my friends were with their boyfriends, and me, well I was alone, all by myself. No one didn't even bothered to invite me with them. I was listening to Celine Dion “All by myself” which co-operated with my heartache, making me feel stunned and devastated, with one word like crap. Well at least I wasn't the only one. Everything that I had was now just part of my wonderful past.

I was drinking cold water, waiting for Alex to come; but he never did!

It was two a.m., and he hasn't appeared yet; neither have the rest of my friends.

They are probably making out somewhere! – I was trying to convince myself.  

One thing, which was not making any sense, was Alex.  Why was he with Brittney?  He told me that he love me; why in the hell he would be with her? 

“…’I will be more than glad to have your love mark’

“Listen, I had to! John became suspicious as you know, and even his “friend” Peter asked me if I liked you” “Me or him; choose now. I have feelings. I want to share them with you, but Jennifer I can't see you with him”

  He loves me, or not? I have to think over and over, but I won't let myself rushing with my conclusions. I will wait to hear his part of the story…

Alex! Alex! Alex! ...What did you do to me? I am acting like a little kid; my voice is tingling when I talk to you, and now I'm waiting here, alone, waiting for you, but you are not coming. Maybe you will come in a minute, or after an hour; I'm trying to make this impatience easier, but hopelessly. Oh, I can't wait, and the waiting hasn't even started yet. Everyone is asking me what is wrong with me. So I'm that obvious! They can read everything from my face.  Why don't you come?

I have two options, to lament for you every night, looking for you in my dreams, or to put on a fake smirk and imagine you in front of me. Oh God! This is not me; I've never slobbered for anyone; I guess I've gone too far with my emotions. I wish you knew what kind of turbulence is hitting my heart right now…I want to scream from the bottom of my lungs, while tears are rolling on my cheeks; the crybaby is back again. I start to think about you. I'm losing in the time when I'm with you. I love when I interlaced my legs in yours, so I could warm myself a little; when I'm in your hugs, and feel your heart beat, or when feel your soft lips on my neck.; then I wish for nothing more, than the time to stop;

 it's been hours since I'm waiting and it seemed like minutes to me; I'm still lying here on the bed alone, waiting for you. The moon light is covering the earth with its silver glowing shine; it lights my pale face which is all watered from my tears. Those bloody tears! I wish they stopped. 

Why do you give me fake hope and then walk away? I can't understand!

 I miss you. I am falling asleep by thinking about you. Where are you? Who are you with? I close my eyes, with hope that tomorrow is going to be new day, I will have more beautiful thoughts, I will wake up with a smile on my face; oh it is all hopeless. I know that this suspicion is going to torture me all night. You are making me so unhappy right now; I'm not saying that I'm not happy with you, I am; but I'm not happy enough. I gave you all I had, I was with you when I could, I was doing everything for you and I’ve never heard a single thank you from you. It was easy to blame it on me, to run away from the problems. 

I am closing my eyes again, trying to erase the memories. It is pointless’ I'm not a computer.

 I have to forget; I promise myself I am going to forget those memories. And I promise I am going to forget you...”