A Timeless Place

Chapter 39

Secret Letters and Celestial Love

Dear Mom,

I can't believe it's been over five years. I still miss you so much every day. But life is finally starting to move on. I've got a boyfriend now. It's Wes. I wish you could have met him. But I know you're always watching out for me no matter where you are. He's awesome, mom. He's sweet, caring, a bit annoying, but he's my Wes. And he's hot- that would have definitely gotten your approval! And yes, I'm falling for him. He's very special to me.

And his family loves me too. I've met Marie and Andrew Bane. And I've been talking a lot with Marie. You remember her right? Marie Stewert. She said she knew you in high school. She loves telling me stories about the mischief you got up to then. Before you met dad, obviously. 

Marie's stories make me feel less guilty, mom. Less guilty for not spending more time with you, for not asking more about the life you had before me. I was young and foolish and thought the only life you had was the one where I was in it. I wish you were still here. And instead of asking for you to read me Heron and the Hummingbird or the Ant and the Grasshopper, I would ask you to tell me about your first friend, your first detention, your first crush. But it's all too late now.

I miss you,
I love you,
Kitty.

I slowly ran my thumb along the letter as I re-read it. Yet another month has gone by. I folded the letter into an envelope just as the front door burst open. I jumped in fright, shoving the letter into my bag.

"Good morning, beautiful," Wes strolled into the kitchen. I was sitting at the kitchen island as I waited for Wes to pick me up for school. He stopped in mid-track as he registered my shocked expression. "Is my sexy existence too much?"

"Is knocking too mainstream for you?" I raised an eyebrow at him, but I could feel my heart beating erratically.

He pecked me on the lips before he opened the fridge to scavenge for breakfast. While he had his back turned to me, I sneakily pressed the corner of the envelope that was sticking out of my backpack pocket deeper in the hopes that it would be hidden among its other contents.

"What's that?"

I jerked up, leaning against the kitchen island casually, "Hmmm?"

Without replying, he reached behind me but I deflected him, moving in front of his hand. He tried again but I kept moving in front of him every time.

"Come on, Kitty," he grabbed my waist and physically lifted me on the kitchen island before snagging the letter from my bag. Really?

"Don't, Wes," I reprimanded him, trying to pull the letter from his grip but to no avail. He held it at arm's length way out of my reach. That smirk was plastered on his face as he slipped his thumb under the fold, and pried it open.

"WES! Seriously, stop!" I burst out loudly and defensively. It suddenly became silent and Wes' hand fell to his side, the letter closed, as he looked at me in shock. He had never seen me react like this.

"It-It's a letter, to my mom," I told him, my hands shaking. But then I realised that it was my whole body was shaking. This was something that absolutely no one knew about. Those letters; it was my secret. And I wasn't prepared to share it just yet. For someone to read my letters, it was like serving my heart and soul on a silver platter. I couldn't. I wouldn't. The platter was way too fragile. Too much vulnerability served all at once.

"You still do that?" Wes said. There was a fleeting odd look that he gave me. But before I could figure it out, it had disappeared.

"S-Still?" I spluttered. "How did you know about them?"

"No," Wes said after a moment of hesitation. "I meant, still, as in after all this time?"

"Time won't make me just forget about my mom," I said defensively, successfully snagging the letter from his hands and carefully tucking it in between my hands.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing!" he corrected himself quickly. "I was just a little surprised. Impressed, really."

"Sorry, that still won't mean I'll let you read the letter," I told him.

"Damn it. And I'd bet there's something in there about me," he cursed under his breath.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, you know," I told him in a light tone, patting the letter back carefully inside my backpack and staring him down to not try to reach for it again.

"I love it when you get defensive when I'm right," he grinned, kissing my nose.

I smiled back in response. Wes then resumed his search for breakfast. He took out toast to make us sandwiches. I watched him as he carefully spread peanut butter on one toast and nutella on the other before combining them and handing it to me before he resumed making another sandwich.

I bit into it and after some silence I told Wes, "Every month on the 18th I visit her grave and lay down a letter and a tulip. The colour usually depends on what I'm feeling. Usually, it's yellow"

"Why yellow tulips?" he asked, screwing back on the lids of the jars before returning them to their respective places and washing the spreading knife he used. Huh, I never expected him to be the tidy type.

"Because yellow tulips were the flowers dad used to give mom when they first met. He fell in love at first sight, but she mocked him endlessly. He used to give her a yellow tulip almost every day. It represented hopeless love. But then yellow tulips started to represent true happiness, as did their relationship," I explained. "After that, mom was obsessed with tulips. We always had tulips in the house in that clear vase you used. Every week they were the colour mom was feeling. Red for love, purple for royalty when we spoiled her, white when she felt guilty and wanted forgiveness and yellow, lots and lots of yellow."

"What are you taking tomorrow?" his voice was low.

"White," I immediately said without thinking. And as I said it, Marie came to mind as well as Bridgette. But mostly Marie, her disappointed look at me that told me that my own mother would have expected more of me.

"Tell me more about her."

"She was the Sun that gave life to the world that was our family," I smiled as the memories came without fail, always ready to flood my mind of the life that used to be in this very house. Her wide smile as she realised that she was covered head to toe in blotches of paint. And dad not having a care in the world as he pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead lovingly. Every memory of my mom was illuminated with sunlight. It was as though the Sun was constantly drawn to her. Always highlighting her carefree soul as it shined off her soft amber eyes and glinted off her hair that always seemed to have flecks of paint amongst the soft brown curls.

"You're a lot more like her than you think," Wes caressed the side of my face.

"I'm no Sun," I laughed humourlessly. I couldn't even get dad to have dinner with me, let along bring a whole family together.

"No, but you're the star in my night sky," Wes spoke softly and his eyes looked deeply into mine. "You're my navigating compass through the darkness, Kitty."

My breath was taken away. It wasn't only what he had said, but it was the way he looked at me. The intensity of longing mixed with the basic desire of necessity that I was to be his. He wanted me- needed me. But little did he know that it was I who needed him. He could keep my demons at bay like I never could. Most night I feared going to sleep for the inevitable nightmares ahead. Now, it was no longer surrender that lulled me to sleep- but his rescuing voice that protected me through the night.

I really do apologise for the delayed update! I know this a short chapter but I really wanted to give you guys something- anything because you guys have been amazing. I'm currently working on the next chapter  as you read this ;)

~ TheNightMarauder